


Freakazoid Lows

by MsGordo_Writings



Series: Freaks R Us [5]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Families of Choice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsGordo_Writings/pseuds/MsGordo_Writings
Summary: One Shots set in the world of Freakazoid High
Relationships: Connor (AtS)/Dawn Summers, Draco Malfoy/Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter/Kit, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Freaks R Us [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623346





	1. Severus and Liz

**Author's Note:**

> These are the writings of [ MsGordo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kipplemine/profile), posted here with the author's express permission in order to preserve them from Yahoo Groups. If I have missed any tags or warnings, please feel free to let me know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how did Severus Snape end up with Liz on his arm at the Hogwarts Christmas party?

**Early November.**

Severus Snape glanced up from marking the truly execrable essays that his first year potions class had turned in that afternoon and glared at his dungeon door as a tentative knock sounded once again. He sat paused with his quill in the middle of scratching a disgusted F on a young Ravenclaw’s blood, sweat and (literal) tears and scowled to himself in the hope that whoever was interrupting him would take the hint and go away. After the excitement of the trial of the Eight, his own arrest and then the various plans and schemes that he had cooked up with Dumbledore for their vastly expanded forces all he really wanted was to shut himself up in his damp and chilly dungeons and studiously avoid anyone who so much as looked like they might have world saving of any kind on their minds. His scowl deepened as the knock came again and he threw his quill down in disgust. “Come.”

The door opened and the mother of the newest muggle member of Durus Cateanus stuck her head cautiously around the door. “Professor Snape?” Liz edged into the room and hesitated before shutting the door quietly behind her. “I’m sorry to disturb you.”

Snape watched as her eyes drifted from his unwelcoming face and around his classroom, her eyes widening and mouth falling open must unattractively as she took in the room and its contents. He lifted one eyebrow as the woman actually paled as she pressed a hand to her stomach when she caught sight of a foetal goblin pickled forever in a jar directly beside her head. He couldn’t quite contain the smirk of his lips as she jumped back a pace with a muffled curse and bumped her head on the door. “Mrs Horvath.” Snape stood and pulled his cloak tightly around him as he folded his arms, glaring down his nose as he waited for an explanation for her presence in his territory. And waited. And waited. And waited. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as she continued gaping in horror at the room around them and realised if he wanted to get back to his scowling and dashing first year hopes for passable grades in his class he would have to speak again. “I presume there is a reason you are here?”

Liz managed to drag her eyes from a huge glass jar that she swore had eyeballs merrily bobbing in some kind of clear preservative and stared at the sallow faced man glaring at her in a way that somehow managed to be more disconcerting than the rest of the room combined. She licked her lips nervously and forced herself to concentrate on her mission. “Yes. I, er…” Her eyes drifted over his shoulder as she caught sight of bunches of what looked like withered animal legs hanging from the ceiling like strings of onions. “Oh God!”

Snape frowned as she paled even more and turned to see what had caused her distress. All he could see were the dried lambs’ legs that he had procured from the kitchen for his sixth year class in the morning. He swayed slightly to the side, just in case there was something unspeakably horrible hiding behind them, and then swayed back to an upright position with a grunt of relief. Nothing there. “Mrs Horvath, as much as I would like to play ‘scare-the-muggle’ with you, I really must insist that you inform me of why you are here and then let me get back to what I am doing.”

“I…” Liz tried to swallow and focus on his unfriendly face. “The children have diaper rash and Madam Pomfrey said you might be able to make up a salve for me as she’s a little busy at the moment.”

“Diaper rash?” Snape narrowed his eyes and stared down his hooked nose. “I’m afraid I am not familiar with that particular ailment.”

Liz made herself step further into the room and away from the reassuring door at her back. “The wetness from their diapers has caused some irritation on their skin.” She watched as he looked even more bewildered and tried to smile. “On their bottoms. From when they pee.”

“Great Merlin.” Absolutely disgusted, Snape closed his eyes and tried to recall the days when practically everyone in the castle bar Dumbledore and McGonagall had been too scared of him to even think about approaching him and asking for favours. His life had apparently deteriorated to the point that random muggle women felt comfortable about popping in unannounced and asking for cream to relieve sore arses on babies. He took a deep calming breath. Maybe if he begged and pleaded with Voldemort he’d be allowed back into the dark fold, surely even life as an evil minion was better than this torture.

“Um, maybe I should come back.” Liz stepped back in alarm as a thick vein began to throb in the scary looking man’s temple. “You’re obviously very busy.”

“Wait.” Without looking at Liz, Snape turned in an impressive swirl of black cloth and stomped towards his walk-in potions cupboard behind his desk. Muttering to himself he unlocked the door and flung it open to crash against the wall before going inside. Liz waited nervously as various curses and crashes sounded before he came marching back out clutching a medium-sized jar of something bright blue and shoved it at her. “Here. This will help and will be suitable for delicate skin. Please inform Madam Pomfrey and Mrs Weasley that in future I would be most obliged if they did not make use of my skills except in the most dire emergencies. Good day.” He stalked back to his desk, flinging himself down in his chair to resume his marking before realising that Liz had made no move towards the door. “Yes, is there something else?”

Liz shifted uneasily and fiddled with the jar in her hands, nearly dropping it in her nervousness. “I don’t know how to get back.” She flinched at the exasperated glare on Snape’s face and stuck her chin out defensively. “I had to follow a little glowing ball to get down here and it ran off when I knocked on your door.”

Snape flung down his quill he had just picked up again and glared. “It ran off?”

Liz squared her shoulders and reminded herself she was a grown woman with a successful career and she wasn’t about to be intimidated by a man who looked like his mother had gotten more than friendly with a vulture at some time in her youth. “Well it didn’t grow legs and actually run off, but it definitely disappeared.” She narrowed her eyes and glared back at him. “You need to make another one.”

“I most certainly do not.” Snape upped the wattage in his own glare and was mildly impressed to find that Liz didn’t seem to be at all alarmed by his malevolent expression but shoved the jar of ointment she held in her hands into the pocket of the fleecy jacket she wore to fold her arms and begin tapping her foot in annoyance. “Please shut the door quietly behind you when you leave.”

Liz’s eyebrows hit her hairline at the dismissive tone and her foot picked up speed considerably as she completely failed to move from her spot on his sticky dungeon floor. “Wizard or not, you’ll speak to me with courtesy or I’ll make you regret it, Professor Snape.” She flicked her sensibly cut brown bob away from her face as he stared in amazement at her cold face. “I will not be spoken to like one of your students.”

“Do you know who I am?” Professor Snape realised his mouth was sagging open in surprise at Liz’s cold tone and he shut it with a snap. “My good woman, I happen to be…”

“The scary guy in the silly dress, I know.” Liz couldn’t quite stifle her smile at the affronted look that flashed across her adversary’s face at her casual dismissal of his fearsome reputation. “I’ve heard all about you from the kids. Well, that nonsensical attitude might scare them rigid but I’m afraid it doesn’t work on me. Now, are you going to behave in a civilised manner or am I going to have to stick my head out that door and start yelling for Professor Dumbledore?”

Severus Snape was lost for words. For possibly the first time ever in his life. He cast his eyes quickly over the room to make sure he was still in his dungeons and had not suddenly been transported somewhere else or into an alternate reality and then he looked back at the muggle woman who was now watching him in what could only be called amusement. He glared at her until his eyes threatened to water but that only seemed to serve to increase her amusement and make him feel like sneezing. “Please remove yourself from my classroom.” There, just the right amount of cold disgust with an underlying threat of imminent violence if she didn’t comply. That should do the trick.

Liz tipped her head to one side and shivered. “Better, but you could definitely use some work on your tone. Do you feel a draft?” She rubbed her hands together briskly and shivered again. “You could really do with a fire in here.” 

Professor Snape’s hand was half way to his face to make sure that his expression was suitably forbidding before he caught himself and hurriedly lowered it. Not since his days as a student in his house had he failed to cower someone with one of his ‘special’ looks and now a woman who had nearly screamed the castle down when she had been keyed in a few days earlier was turning her back on him and stretching out a curious hand to touch a jar next to her filled with an ominous looking red liquid that occasionally went ‘gloop’. “Don’t touch that!”

Liz hastily pulled her fingers back millimetres away from the glass. “Why? Is it dangerous?”

“No, merely extremely valuable and difficult to acquire.” Snape got up from behind his desk and grabbed Liz’s arm in a vice-like grip. “Please leave.” He opened the door and steered her through it, not registering the heavy slam behind him as he pointed her back towards the main part of the castle. “Walk that way until you see the portrait of the two young witches attempting to waylay a young prince and then turn right. Good day.” He turned to go back through his door and then grunted with pain when his nose hit solid wood and he bounced unwillingly back to Liz’s side. “Bloody hell!”

Liz couldn’t help the snigger at the look of fury on his face as he tried to open the closed door, realised it was locked and then searched for his wand only to find it was still very definitely on the other side of the thick wooden panel. “Oh dear.” Her face worked as Snape swung round to glower at her and then she gave up the battle and broke into a fit of helpless laughter as she looked from him to the locked door. “Would you like me to go and get Hermione or Harry to open it for you?”

“Certainly not!” Absolutely horrified, Professor Snape grabbed Liz’s arm and marched her away from his dungeons and back up the corridor to the main part of the school. “I have enough difficulty earning their respect as it is, without you informing them I need help getting into my own classroom. I will escort you to the Great Hall and then I will go in search of the Headmaster or Mister Filch.” 

“Professor Snape, I don’t know how you people treat women in your world but in mine it’s considered extremely bad manners to manhandle them.” Liz tugged her arm free of his grip with difficulty. “I may not be a witch but I can assure you I’m more than capable of walking alongside another person for a few minutes without having to be dragged along.” Liz adjusted the sleeve of her fleece where it had rucked up and sniffed in annoyance. “If you don’t mind that is.”

The noise of Snape’s teeth grinding together was clearly audible in the otherwise empty corridor but he did just about manage to restrain the urge to growl in anger as the infuriating woman marched off and disappeared around the top of the corridor to the right. He stood clenching and unclenching his hands into fists for a moment thinking of all the unpleasant things he would like to do to Molly Weasley and Madam Pomfrey and was no longer allowed to do now he was leading light in the fight for good against evil then followed Liz muttering some very nasty things under his breath. He paused as he came to the top of the corridor and watched as she stomped away from him. “You’re going the wrong way.” Without waiting for an answer he turned to the left and stalked off, his robe flapping behind him in a most satisfactory manner.

Liz stopped and turned as she heard his voice and cursed viciously as she saw him disappear into the gloom without another word or glancing back to see if she’d heard him. She fought back the urge to remove the jar of salve from her pocket and hurl it at the back of his unwashed head before starting back the way she had come. “Jerk.”

Snape smirked to himself as he caught her not very subtle insult and picked up his pace to force Liz into an undignified trot to keep up. “Twit.”

* * *

**Middle of November.**

As the long, cold days of November slowly passed and more and more refugees arrived at the castle, Severus Snape descended into the blackest of moods and made the most of every opportunity to make sure he dragged everyone he came into contact with down with him. He kept up a punishing schedule of teaching all day, planning and strategising most of the night with Dumbledore and the few hours of rest he allowed himself were mostly filled with uneasy, broken dreams of his past and the constant fear of what might happen in the future. It was on one such night in the middle of November, as the wind howled and splattered a driving rain against his small window, that he sat bolt upright in bed, gasping in panic as he came out of a nightmare where he had been forced to watch the Eight die at Voldemort’s hand before the Dark Lord had then turned his wrath on Hogwarts and the helpless people there. Snape dropped his head into his hands with a shudder and scrubbed his palms over his face, desperately trying to erase the image of Draco being torn apart by giants as he screamed for his teacher to save him. “Just a dream.” His shoulders shook with reaction under his pyjama top as he took several deep breaths and then abruptly threw back the covers to jump out of bed and stumble across to the small cabinet where he kept his bottle of fire whisky. The hand that raised the bottle shook as he unscrewed the cap and tilted it to his mouth, shuddering again as the potent liquid made it’s way down his throat and created a false sensation of warmth in his rigid body. His eyes opened as the sudden flood of alcohol slowed to a trickle and he stared in surprise at the empty bottle clenched in his shaking hand before slamming it down on the wooden top of the cabinet and reaching inside for a fresh bottle. His hand groped blindly for a moment before he bent and saw that the cupboard was completely empty and the expected bottle was nowhere to be seen. “No!” The door slammed shut as he kicked it in frustration and realised that somehow he had managed to drink his way through three bottles of whisky by himself in under two weeks without noticing. Desperation clawed at his throat and he stared wildly around the room, hoping for a miracle and a house-elf to appear with fresh supplies and then forced himself to calm down as he realised that the last thing he needed was for someone, even a servant, to witness his unbalanced state. 

Several minutes, and some very inventive cursing, later, Snape had decided the hell with it and was stalking through the dark passages of Hogwarts on his way to kitchens to liberate the bottle of fire whisky the elves kept under strict lock and key for the special desserts they sometimes made the Professors. He was unwilling to call down for an elf to bring it to him as he didn’t particularly want to risk one of the things waking up if they didn’t have to and instead was hoping to slip in and out of the kitchens with his spoils without being noticed. A hope which imploded with an almost audible pop as he slipped down the kitchen stairs and saw Liz Horvath seated at a long table with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug, staring with glazed eyes at the contents and his already foul mood wasn’t improved as she glanced up and rolled her eyes in disgust. “Oh God, not you again.” 

Feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable in his slippers and dressing gown, although they were at least his usual black, thank Merlin, Snape did his best to glare back. “I beg your pardon?”

“Look I’m not really in the mood to take any of your pissy attitude tonight, so why don’t you just grab whatever it is you came down here for and get lost?” Liz shivered in her own light blue robe and returned to staring into her hot milk that Dobby had very kindly made for her.

“What?” Professor Snape’s eyebrows rose and he stared in disbelief as the muggle woman dismissed him. “How dare you talk to me like that!”

“Easy. I have some pretty strong urges to kick the crap out of anyone I see with a wand these days and for some reason you inspire these feelings a lot more than most wizards.” Liz’s eyes stayed fixed on her drink as she spoke and she absently tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear as it dipped dangerously close to her drink. “Now go away and leave me alone.”

Snape opened his mouth, shut it again when he realised he couldn’t be bothered to argue when the thirst for his whisky still clawed at him and instead marched to the cabinet beside the huge cooking range to tap his wand on the door and open it. “It would be my pleasure.” He sighed with relief as he saw the desired beverage skulking behind some plainer sauces at the back and snatched at it to tuck it under his dressing gown out of sight. “Are you quite sure you wouldn’t like some assistance back to your quarters? Our encounter doesn’t seem quite complete without you demanding something I am unwilling to give and threatening to report me to the Headmaster.”

Liz hunched her shoulders around her ears at his caustic remark as he strode past her towards the stairs. “I think I can manage, I come down here most nights.” 

Snape almost made it. His foot was actually on the bottom step to freedom and copious amounts of brain numbing alcohol and then he heard her sigh quietly to herself. He ground his teeth as his hand unknowingly caressed the bottle of whisky clutched to his chest and then he turned back to Liz. “Do you think that’s wise? These are most dangerous times.”

Liz snorted and didn’t look up. “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” She sipped at her drink and then looked up with a confused frown as she realised he hadn’t left the room. “Can I help you with something?”

“I don’t think the Headmaster would approve of you being outside of your quarters unprotected.” Fighting the urge to now hurl his bottle at Liz’s ungrateful head, Professor Snape forced himself to relax the death grip he had on his fiery goodness and took a step towards the table. “If you’ve finished your drink, I will escort you to your quarters.”

“Gee, thanks.” Liz pushed her chair back and headed for the hob where a pan of milk stood steaming gently on the low heat. “But I’m not tired and I want to be on my own.” She poured some more hot milk into her mug. “Don’t let me keep you.”

“For a woman who is unarmed and alone with an almost complete stranger in an unfamiliar environment, you might consider changing the way you speak to me.” Snape took another step towards the table as a vein in his temple began to throb. “You have no idea what I am capable of when I am roused.”

“Can you fight off my daughter and her friends when they come looking for you afterwards?” Liz blinked back bitter tears as she carried her milk back to her seat. “Somehow I don’t think even you could stop your fabled saviours kicking your uptight ass, do you?”

“The Eight are my students and respect my authority.” Snape glowered and almost convinced himself of the lie as his mouth twisted in a sneer. “Your child holds no fears for me.”

“Lucky you.” Liz frowned as she felt a lone tear trickle from her eye. “She scares the crap out of me.” The milk sloshed in her mug as she put it down on the table with a crash and buried her face in her hands. “Just go away and leave me alone!”

“Stop that.” Professor Snape was at the table before he realised he’d moved and he glared down at Liz’s shaking body. “Stop that immediately.” He glared as Liz completely ignored him and continued to weep brokenly. “I  _ order _ you to cease this nonsense forthwith.” A muscle in his cheek began to twitch as his angry words went unheeded and Liz began to sob harder. “Stop it!”

“I…I can’t.” Liz’s breath began to hitch. “I can’t. It’s…too…much.”

“Are you injured?” Professor Snape glanced warily over Liz’s body. “Do you need medical assistance?”

“No!” Liz scrubbed a shaking hand over her face. “Please, just go away and leave me alone.”

For a moment he was sorely tempted and then Professor Dumbledore’s disapproving face swam before Snape’s eyes and he found himself reaching a snowy white cloth hanging from a nail on the nearby wall. “Here. Clean your face.” His eyes rolled as Liz went off into another storm of sobbing as the cloth was thrust in her face and he resigned himself to the fact that his whisky would have to wait as he lowered himself into a chair and waited for her to calm down. Long minutes passed as Liz cried and Snape stared anywhere but at the distraught woman and then she slowly began to calm down and her sobs eased into intermittent sniffs as her tears finally ran dry. Without asking Professor Snape got up and took Liz’s mug to tip away the cold milk and then refill the cup with the last of the warm milk on the stove. He brought it back to her without saying a word, sitting and watching as she drank it down before gently taking her arm and guiding her back out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her house where he left her without another word. The whisky bottle that he had laid down in the kitchen when Liz had first broken down was forgotten as he tumbled in exhaustion into bed and was found sitting by the still lit stove by a very confused house elf.

* * *

**End of November.**

As the month dragged on Liz and Snape fell into an uncertain pattern of meeting in the early hours of the morning in the kitchens as they tried to battle their own separate demons and sat together in silence as they downed mug after mug of warm milk. Both were unwilling to break the fragile and unlikely peace between them by speaking and it was only after the night that Durus Cateanus had turned on each other in such spectacular fashion that they finally began to verbally communicate. Snape had arrived after Liz and was alarmed to find her huddled in one of the two armchairs that the house-elves had started leaving by the fire for their visits as she wept silent tears once more. He paused for a moment at the foot of the stairs and had nearly decided to slip quietly back up them when her head turned and he found himself caught by the sheer misery in her wet eyes.

“What is it? Is it your daughter?” He almost jumped at the sound of his own voice in the quiet kitchen but hurried forward as her face crumpled again. “Is she injured?”

“No.” Liz shook her head and stared into the fire. “She’s not injured.” Tears ran unchecked down her face as it creased in bitter lines. “Not physically anyway. Did you hear about what she and the others did in the woods?”

“Yes.” Cautiously Snape lowered himself into the armchair across from her and leaned back so that his face was in the shadows. “I understand they were very brave.”

“They’re killers.” Liz’s fists tightened into hard balls of flesh as she thought of the way Kit and the others had looked when they had come back to their quarters dripping with demon blood and other less recognisable things. “All of them. I never really saw it before, when they just spar in the training room it doesn’t seem real, but they kill and they enjoy it. God, what they  _ looked  _ like. That’s not my kid, it can’t be; my child could never do what they did to another living being and enjoy it.”

“I don’t think she does.” Snape watched as Liz gulped down bile and shook his head as she looked up at him. “I don’t think any of them enjoy it.” He paused and thought of Connor Angel. “Well, with one notable exception.” He smiled grimly as Liz shivered and leaned closer to fire in a bid to warm her chilled bones. “They have been placed in an extraordinarily difficult situation and I believe they are coping sufficiently.”

“I lose more of my daughter every day.” Liz couldn’t seem to stop shivering as she remembered Kit trying to explain the desperate urge she had been battling to go out and slay demons with her friends. “That old man stood before me tonight and told my little girl and her friends that they are being changed in ways no one ever expected and that he would start using them as the weapons they are and I had no choice but to give my blessing because Kit told me that it might kill her if I didn’t.” Pure fury sparked in her eyes. “How is that right? How can you let children be used in that way?”

“They  _ shouldn’t  _ be used that way. There is nothing honourable or good about this entire situation.” Snape leaned forward as Liz voiced many of the secret concerns he struggled with nightly since the identity of the Eight had been revealed. “Battles should never be fought by teachers and children, you should never have been brought here and our Ministry should be able to protect us. But they cannot.” He shook his head in disgust and his lank hair slapped against his cheek. “We are forced to place our hopes and future into the hands of children that are barely out of their cradles on the word of a witch that died a millennia ago. We have to trust in the Eight.” 

Liz stared at his lined face and then turned back to the fire. “It’s not right.”

* * *

**Early December.**

Professor Severus Snape looked up at the light tap on his office door and gave a tight smile of welcome to Liz Horvath as she poked her head into his room. “Hi. Just thought I’d check you were still on for milk and cookies later? I managed to persuade Dobby that I wouldn’t ruin his precious kitchen if he let me mix up a batch of double chocolate fudge.” Snape waved Liz to the chair before his desk with a tired sigh and tried to smile more warmly as she waved an enquiring eyebrow. “Bad day, Severus?”

“Anyanka gave a talk to my class today.” Snape raised an eyebrow as Liz muffled a laugh behind her hand. “I take it you’ve already heard?”

“I was in the Infirmary for the baby’s check up when the girls brought her back in.” Liz chuckled and crossed her legs as she got comfortable on the chair. “Dawn, Ginny and Kit couldn’t speak without stammering and Hermione was happily planning another talk with Anya that I believe they want to centre on all the things the Slayer and her people have stopped over the years. Apparently Anya thinks she can get her hands on the remains of a mayor of Sunnydale that turned into a big snake.”

“Absolutely not!” Filled with terror at the thought of sitting through another one of the absurdly perky demon’s talks on the unfortunate beings she had helped slaughter over the centuries, Professor Snape sat bolt upright and pointed an emphatic finger at Liz’s laughing face. “That woman is never coming near another one of my classes ever again.” He shuddered as he remembered some of the more graphic images. “What that woman has  _ done _ …”

“She sure would have come in handy when Kit’s father walked out on us, I know that much.” Liz grinned at the snarl from the man opposite her. “You did a good thing today, Severus, Anya’s brighter than I’ve ever seen her.”

“Oh good. That will make my poverty and disgrace so much more bearable when I’m dragged out of school by the Ministry and forbidden to ever teach again.” Professor Snape glared at Liz as she laughed again and then closed his eyes as he fell back in his chair with groan. “Sweet Merlin, what she showed those children.”

“I’m sure it was very educational.” Liz eyed the deflated figure of Severus fondly as he tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling blankly and then stood and turned to the door. “I’ll let you get back to work. See you, tonight?”

“If I don’t impale myself on my own wand in remembered horror first, certainly.” Snape kept his eyes on the ceiling as Liz slipped out of his office with another laugh and then slowly sat up to stare at the chair she had just vacated. Something very peculiar was happening to him and he wasn’t the least bit sure he liked it. Ever since they had broken their self-imposed silence the night Kit and the others had taken on the demons in the Forbidden Forest their nightly meetings had changed as they had slowly but surely began to get to know each other. 

At first both Liz and Snape had been hesitant in their conversations, both from different worlds and cultures and neither sure of the other’s supposed interest in them, but then they had gradually relaxed and had found that even with all their differences they had much in common. Both were to some extent cut off from the world they now both occupied, Snape by virtue of his past history and unwillingness to allow others close to him and Liz by her very nature, but they were both deeply lonely in their own ways and it was undoubtedly a delight to find someone to talk too about something other than the imminent end of life as they knew it. 

Snape was surprised to find that despite being a muggle Liz was a very entertaining conversationalist and was more than willing to challenge the opinions he offered her on diverse subjects such as art and history without any regard for the fearsome reputation he had acquired over the years. He was surprised to feel a deep respect for her as they shared stories of their very different lives and was reminded that although she was to all intents and purposes helpless now she had raised a child by herself for the last seventeen years and built up a very successful career as well. 

Liz, on her part, was stunned to find that the deeply unpleasant man she had first spoken to in his classroom was actually quite shy under all the layers of abrasive sneering and disgust that his habitually cloaked himself in and found that underneath the surface there was more than a passing resemblance to Draco Angel, whom she had taken very much to heart after his defence of her beloved daughter. They shared the same belief in their innate superiority over practically everyone else on the planet but Liz also saw the same need for acceptance in Snape that she saw in Draco and found herself delighting in the wary smiles he had started to flash her after a while. 

Snape leaned forward and steepled his hands on his desk as he stared thoughtfully at the door that had just closed behind Liz. Of all the upsetting and downright peculiar things that had happened to him over the course of his eventful life the most alarming one had happened to him without triggering the slightest qualm or early warning signal. Somehow, someway, over the course of more hot milk and cookies than was good for him and some very late nights, Professor Severus Snape, aged thirty nine and confirmed bachelor of his parish, had made a friend of one of the creatures that he had professed all his life to despise and then, to just tip the scales towards insanity that little bit more, he suspected he was on the very cusp of falling in love for the first time in his life. With a muggle to boot! Snape shuddered as he thought of the look on his father’s face if the evil old goat had lived long enough to be told the news and then chuckled quietly to himself. Actually that would have been quite amusing, come to think of it. Definitely worth the possible painful disembowelling and definite disinheritance that would have followed. The smile bled from his face as he thought of Liz again and he sighed deeply, sure of only one thing in this frightening new world he now seemed to be living in. However much the little runt tried to deny it, this was absolutely, without any doubt whatsoever, all Harry bloody Potter’s fault.

* * *

Liz watched the light from the fire flicker over Severus’ face as she sat with her legs curled comfortably under her in her usual chair and frowned to herself as she tried to work out what seemed to be so different about him that night. He had stalked into the kitchen just after midnight with his usual glare sending Dobby scurrying for his bed in the elf quarters behind the kitchen with a squeal and then had flashed his usual tight smile of thanks as she had handed him a steaming mug of milk and nutmeg. They had taken their seats before the fire chatting casually about their days and then lapsed into silence as they just enjoyed the quiet of the kitchen, but instead of the usual comfortable atmosphere, Liz had noticed Severus flicking glances her way when he thought he was not being observed and more than once his face tightened as he seemed to be holding an internal conversation with himself. “Severus, are you ok?” Liz frowned as he actually jumped in his chair and she leaned forward in concern. “Is there something going on that I don’t know about?”

Cursing quietly to himself for drifting off, Severus tried to smile reassuringly. “Of course not, Elizabeth.” He shifted uneasily in his chair as she leaned forward and stared at him with worried brown eyes. “I apologise if I’m not good company this evening, I’ve had a rather trying day. I’m obviously more tired than I thought.”

Liz looked unconvinced. “Are you sure that’s all it is? You seem miles away.”

“I’m sure.” Severus tried his reassuring smile again and swore foully in the privacy of his own head when Liz looked positively alarmed by the feeble effort and made a mental note to practice smiling in front of mirror at least once a day for the foreseeable future, he’d obviously lost the knack somewhere along the line. “The end of term is always very busy.”

“Right.” Liz leaned back in her chair and eyed him uncertainly. “Whatever you say.”

Severus went back to staring at the fire broodingly for long minutes acutely aware of Liz’s eyes on him and then found his mouth opening of its own accord without any direct involvement from his brain. “Do you ever think of what you will do when this is over?”

“When what is over?” Liz pursed her mouth in confusion and tilted her head to one side curiously. “Meeting you like this?”

Severus frowned as he felt his heart give an uneasy thump against his ribs at the thought of never having these quiet moments with Liz again and shook his head. “No, when the war is over. When you are free to leave here and resume your life.”

“Oh.” Now it was Liz’s turn to stare into the fire as she considered his gruff question. “No, I haven’t thought about it.” She shrugged. “I’ll go back home, I suppose. Take Kit and try and rebuild our lives. Obviously I’ve lost my job, but at least with the Ministry covering my mortgage we won’t be homeless and hopefully it won’t take too long before I can find another firm willing to employ me.”

“I see.” Severus’ heart was now thumping painfully against his ribs as he realised that the quiet woman he had come to see as a friend would in all probability be leaving for the other side of the world before the clean up had started on the victory celebrations. 

Liz looked even more confused at his quiet comment. “What will you do? When it’s over I mean.”

“I shall remain here.” Snape’s mouth twisted in a bitter smile as he kept his eyes on the fire. “I have too many enemies to go elsewhere and even when the Dark Lord is defeated there will be plenty of people only too happy to see me writhing in agony before they give me a long painful death.” He glanced up at the muffled gasp of shock from Liz. “Don’t worry; as long as I remain at the school I will be perfectly safe.”

“I’m sorry.” Knowing the words were horribly inadequate, Liz felt her eyes fill with sympathetic tears as she watched her friend lean back in his chair until his face was hidden. “I’ll miss you when I go, Severus. You’ve made these last few months a lot easier to face.” She bit her lip uncertainly for a moment. “Will you…I mean…I’d like you to visit sometimes if you could. I don’t want to lose touch.”

Secure in the knowledge his expression would be hidden by the shadows, Snape closed his eyes in distress and forced a laugh. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Elizabeth. I think it’s unlikely I’d fit in your world.”

The stab of pain that made Liz raise an instinctive hand to her heart caught her completely by surprise and she was only able to stare in silent shock at the fire as she realised that the thought of never seeing Severus Snape again was almost as upsetting as the thought of never seeing her daughter again. She rubbed the hand over her woollen sweater as she tried to organise her thoughts and was astounded to discover that she was definitely not feeling just the normal levels of distress that a friend might feel at his casual dismissal. She had come to rely on his quiet support over the last few months and without seeing what was happening had managed to come closer to a relationship with the most frightening man she’d ever met in her entire life than in all her years as a dating single mom. Over the course of their conversations he had told her the best and worst of him, right down to the things he had done whilst under the service of Voldemort, and even after hearing the very scary memories he carried with him, she still felt nothing but comfort and safety in his gloomy presence. 

Liz bit her lip thoughtfully once more and then made a decision. As much as they all talked of their eventual victory, she was only too aware that the eventual outcome of their fight with Voldemort could just as easily be the destruction of Hogwarts and all who had opposed the Dark Lord in his quest for power. As Liz had gotten to know her daughter at Hogwarts the one thing she had found herself admiring most about Kit was her absolute determination to live for the day and not worry about tomorrow until it happened. In fact all of the Eight had the same almost frantic desire to sample as many pleasures as they could in their own ways, all of them aware that at any minute they could find themselves fighting for their lives and be left with nothing but regrets to hold as they slipped away into the dark. Liz uncurled her legs and inched forward on her chair until she could see Severus’ dark eyes glittering in the firelight. “I’m going to miss you, Severus. Very much.”

“And I you.” Snape caught his breath at the picture she made in the dim light, wrapped in a chunky woollen sweater with her brown hair shining around her face as she rubbed her palms unconsciously against the rough material of her jeans. “Hogwarts will seem very empty without you here.”

“I could visit.” Liz forced herself to keep meeting his eyes and wished that she didn’t sound so much like a desperate teenager as she tried to dry her suddenly sweaty palms on her denim covered legs. “I already know about your world and Kit will want to keep seeing her friends. I wouldn’t be able to afford plane tickets for a while but maybe you could make one of those key things?”

“Elizabeth….” Snape sighed wearily and shook his head slowly. “You don’t want to do that. Believe me when I say you don’t want to try and live in two different worlds. When you can leave here, go and don’t ever look back to us. Take your daughter and live your life as you were meant to do with your own kind.”

Liz flinched as though he’d slapped her. “My own kind?” She moved jerkily to her feet and hoped her face wasn’t as stricken as it felt. “How can you say that to me, I thought we were past all that?” She turned away from him to stumble towards the stairs. “I thought we were friends…”

“Elizabeth, wait!” Snape jumped up and hurried after her as she made for the stairs, catching her arm in his hand. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Liz tried to tug her arm away. “I think you did, Severus. Let go of me please.” She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry and held her head up proudly. “I’m suddenly very tired.”

Severus redoubled his grip on her arm. “I apologise, I had no intention of hurting you. I merely thought you would prefer to put this episode in your life behind you as soon as possible, Merlin knows it hasn’t been exactly pleasant for you here.”

“Well, being inferior to pretty much everyone I come into daily contact with kind of puts a damper on things, yes.” Liz tugged at her arm again. “I just thought that we had a friendship that was a little more permanent than whenever the war ends.”

“We do!” Snape’s infuriated shout made them both jump and he let go of her arm only to grip her shoulders in both hands. “Of course we do. I told you that you mean a great deal to me, I value your friendship deeply.”

“But you never want to see me again when I go back to the States?” Liz raised an unconvinced eyebrow. “Oh yeah, we’re great friends.”

“I was thinking of you, Elizabeth. I would prefer that we parted on good terms rather than ruin a friendship that would be impossible to maintain between two such very different worlds.” Severus’ fingers clenched and unclenched on her narrow shoulders as he tried to make her understand. “It is only natural that you would want to move on and leave the past behind you.”

“Will you stop damn well saying that!” Completely exasperated, Liz thumped his chest awkwardly and resisted the urge to stamp her foot. “Why would I want to leave you behind me when I like having you in my life so much? Severus, I actually  _ like _ spending time with you and I enjoy your company.”

“You do?” Snape blinked in surprise at her firm declaration. “Really?”

“Yes!” Liz slipped out of his suddenly lax hold and threw her hands into the air. “Of course I do. I haven’t been overloading on cookies for the last few weeks just to see how far I can stretch the waistline on my jeans, you know. You’re a very kind, warm and funny man and it’s been my pleasure getting to know you.”

Severus blinked again and then stared warily over his shoulder in case there was actually some other man standing behind him that Liz might be talking to before looking back at her. “No one has ever said anything like that to me before.”

“I should imagine not.” Liz folded her arms and glared petulantly. “You go around growling, scowling and generally scaring the bejesus out of everyone and they never have the chance to see how nice you can be when you want to be.” She sniffed as she looked at his lank hair and shapeless robes. “And you’re not exactly overly enthusiastic when it comes to personal grooming which kind of adds to the overall scariness but you have a good and honourable heart and that’s very attractive to people that take the time to look past the vicious insults and looks.”

Snape felt his jaw sag slightly. “You think I’m attractive?”

“Oh.” Belatedly Liz realised she’d gone a little further than she intended with her rant and stepped back to put some distance between them, suddenly unsure of herself and her new resolve to seize the day. “I meant to say…appealing.”

“But you  _ said  _ attractive.” Severus followed her as she took another step backwards. “Would that be attractive just in the friendly sense?”

Liz swallowed at the hopeful look in his eye that he couldn’t quite hide and shrugged uncomfortably. “Not entirely just in the friendly sense, no.” She watched him warily as he raised a hand towards her face. “What are you doing?”

“Something very out of character.” Severus kept his eyes on hers as he lowered his head and lightly brushed his mouth across her open one. They pulled back and stared at each other as fireworks completely failed to go off and they weren’t overcome with a sudden blinding passion for each other. “Oh. Would you like to try again?”

Liz spluttered with sudden laughter at the annoyed look on his face and moved closer. “I think we’d better. That was pitiful.” She raised her face to his as their lips met again and this time, while not earth shattering, their kiss raised some very pleasant and long forgotten sensations in both of them. When Liz pulled back this time she smiled and touched his face lightly. “Better.”

“Somewhat.” Severus stepped away and led her to their seats by the fire. He waited until she had settled back onto her seat and then perched on the edge of his to take her hand in his. “Elizabeth, I can’t promise this will take us anywhere we want to go. We’re both very used to doing things our own way and I’m still not sure that we are able to successfully bring our worlds together.”

Liz smiled and squeezed the warm hand holding her own comfortingly. “Let’s not borrow trouble, Severus. There’s a long way to go before we can find that out and I think we’re both old enough to know that life isn’t all hearts and flowers. Let’s just enjoy what we have for now and let tomorrow take care of itself.”

“You’re a very wise woman.” Severus raised her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. “Very well, we’ll just take each day as it comes.” They smiled at each other in the light of the fire and then let go of each other’s hands to lean back in their chairs and enjoy the warmth from the dying fire.

  
  


**The End.**

  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  



	2. Draco, Roberto and Luca

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco stands in for Liz and Molly at a parent/teacher conference. Oh dear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For Charlie who requested an expanded scene with Draco and the younger members of his house. This would fit in just after Xmas and just before the kids discover the whole full Eight prophecy thing. LOL, it was a *very* small window of opportunity.

Draco stalked into the room off the Great Hall that was currently serving as a temporary pre-school and nursery for all the displaced refugee children that were calling Hogwarts home for the moment and glared around himself at the scene of unadulterated mayhem of forty plus under-fives and the three frazzled adults that were trying to keep some kind of order. He had been alone in the Durus Cateanus common room after enjoying a leisurely Boxing Day breakfast when the head teacher of the pre-school had appeared in his fireplace and demanded that someone who was responsible for Roberto and Luca come down immediately and have an urgent discussion with the boys’ tutor. Draco had tried to contact Molly and Liz, but both women were having a well-earned break with Arthur and Professor Snape as they took Sara for some fresh air and he had decided after waiting five minutes for Gordo to try and find them on the Hogwarts grounds where they were taking a walk in the December sunshine that whatever had come up he was more than adequately equipped to deal with. Now he was actually in the pre-school he was rapidly changing his mind and considering going back up to his rooms to fetch some kind of sharp weaponry. Sweet Merlin, these children looked feral. 

Directing a fierce scowl at a little girl that was staring at him unabashedly, Draco pulled his robes around himself and made his way over to where Miss Butcher – a singularly inappropriate name for a teacher of young children in Draco’s opinion – was standing and glaring down at two very familiar small figures. Roberto and Luca looked up at Draco’s approach and Luca promptly burst into tears and tried to hurl himself past his teacher, only to screech with fright as she grabbed his arm and held him back. “DRACO!”

Draco winced at the high pitch and picked up his pace as he recognized the start of one of Luca’s already legendary tantrums. “That’s enough, Luca.” He narrowed his eyes as Luca ignored the sharp command and continued to writhe for his freedom. “I said that’s enough!” Silver eyes focused in on the unfortunate Miss Butcher who was now trying to fend off Roberto energetically kicking at her shins as he tried to help his brother. “I suggest you let him go immediately.”

No sooner had the words left his mouth than Luca was turned loose and Draco found himself under attack by two extremely overwrought toddlers as they tried to climb his robes and yell out their frustrations at the same time. “Bloody hell!” Draco staggered back and then pried each child off his leg by the simple method of grabbing a handful of robes in either hand and hoisting the two boys into the air until they dangled at the end of his arms. “What the fu…flipping hell is going on here?” He glowered at the two sticky, tear stained faces and then at their thunderous looking teacher. “What’s happened to them?”

“I think that we had better wait for Mrs Weasley or Mrs Horvath to arrive before we discuss the boys’ behavior, Mr Malfoy.” Miss Butcher rubbed her sore shin and adjusted her horn rim glasses as she tried to regain her equilibrium. “I did not expect you to take it upon yourself to come down here. I merely wished to leave a message for the children’s guardians.”

Draco shook the two wriggling boys warningly as the volume started to rise again at the indignity of being dangled by their robes and then placed them on the floor and took a sweaty hand in each of his with a grimace of distaste. “First of all, my name is Mr Angel and you will address me as such. Secondly, Mrs Weasley and Mrs Horvath are unavailable for the moment and as I am the only one available from my house at the present time you will address any concerns about the boys to me, is that clear?” He glanced down as Roberto tried to tug his hand free and pulled sharply on the little boy’s arm to get his attention. “And if you don’t stay still, you miserable little worm, I shall lock you in my wardrobe and leave you there to starve all alone in the dark until you die, do you understand me?”

Roberto froze and darted an uncertain look up at Draco’s implacable face as they both ignored his teacher’s gasp of protest. “No food?”

A terrible impression of a smile twisted Draco’s face. “Or water. Or that smelly piece of fluff you insist on calling a teddy bear. Just you. All alone. In the dark. Forever.”

Roberto shot an remarkably calculating look at his horrified teacher’s face and then another one at Draco’s unamused one as he blatantly assessed the chances of Draco following through on his threat. He lifted his little shoulders in a shrug and stuck a finger from his free hand up his nose. “’K.”

Draco nodded in satisfaction. “Thank you. Right, what seems to be the problem?” He glanced down at his other side as Luca leaned heavily against his leg and began to sniffle quietly. “What’s the matter with you?”

Luca blinked up at him with tear filled eyes. “Tired, Draco.”

“Oh for pity’s sake.” Completely exasperated, Draco let go of Luca’s hand and bent to collect the boy in the crook of his arm and lift him against his chest. “Go to sleep, maggot, and if you dribble on my robes I’ll put snakes in your bed and sew your mouth shut while you sleep.”

Luca snuffled tiredly and wrapped his arms around Draco’s neck in a tight squeeze. “Want Connor.”

Draco rolled his eyes and adjusted his hold so Luca sat more comfortably in his arm. “Do you see Connor here?” He waited for the shake of Luca’s head and then continued, “Well then you can’t have him, you’ll have to make do with me until he finishes visiting Hagrid with the others. Now belt up and let me talk to your teacher or I swear to Merlin I’ll sew your mouth shut and *then* get Connor to help me smother you in your sleep.”

Miss Butcher finally found her voice to protest Draco’s less than sensitive way with the children. “Mr Mal…Angel!”

Draco raised perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Yes?”

The teacher spluttered indignantly for a few moments before finding her voice. “Does Mrs Weasley know you talk to these boys like that?”

Draco’s eyebrows rose higher. “Certainly. She actively encourages it. I believe it comes from the bitter experience of trying to raise her own gaggle of unfortunate offspring with kindness and concern and having them all turn out as moon-eyed idiots.” He inclined his head grudgingly. “With the exception of Ginny, of course.”

“They’re just babies!” Miss Butcher stared down her hooked nose at Roberto – still enthusiastically rooting in his nostril and wiping the findings on an unsuspecting Draco’s robes in retaliation for the threat of death by starvation – and then at Luca with his head lolling an Draco’s shoulder and sleep slack mouth drooling all over the previously impeccable robes. “You’ll give them nightmares.”

Draco rolled his eyes and replied dryly, “With all due respect, Miss Butcher, they currently share quarters with two vampires, a slayer, one demoness and Professor Snape is a fairly frequent visitor. If that doesn’t worry them, than I fail to see how a few threats of death and mutilation will have any effect. Now if you don’t mind, would you trouble yourself to actually get back to the subject in hand and stop questioning how I speak to members of my own family so I can get the hell out of this madhouse and back to my quarters?” He glared down at Roberto. “And if one more piece of snot gets wiped on my robes, I’ll snap your fingers off and feed them to Spike.”

Roberto froze and then looked up at Draco belligerently. “Spike won’t eat them.” He sighed and looked unbearably downcast. “He won’t bite me. I’m too skinny.”

Draco snorted. “He won’t bite you because you eat your own snot when you’re not smearing it all over me and you can’t master the fine art of washing your hands after taking a crap, you little git. You’ll taste nasty.”

Roberto pouted indignantly. “Will not! Spike’ll bite me when I’m a big boy and then I’ll bite *you*!” He gnashed his shiny, white teeth as Draco’s mouth quirked in a reluctant grin. “I’ll bite you *really* hard and then you’ll haff to stop being horrible to me.”

“Nope.” Draco bared his own teeth and waggled his eyebrows threateningly. “Then I’ll just stab you with a big bit of wood and you’ll go poof in a big cloud of smoke.”

Far from looking concerned at this dire prediction, Roberto stared up at his tormentor in open-mouthed fascination. “Really?” He eyed Draco suspiciously. “You won’t.”

“I will.” Draco nodded seriously and to Roberto’s delight let go of his hand and drew a big X over his heart. “I’ll stab you right here and it’ll really hurt and then you’ll explode.” He wiggled his long finger under the giggling boy’s armpit and then wrapped a hand around the boy’s throat and squeezed gently. “Or maybe I’ll cut your head off.”

Bouncing with bloodthirsty joy, Roberto grabbed Draco’s hand and stared up at him adoringly. “’Cos I’ll be a bad guy and you kill bad guys!”

Draco grinned down at the delighted little face and whispered menacingly, “I kill *everyone*.”

Roberto giggled again. “But not Spike or Angel.”

“No.” Draco squeezed the little hand in his and shook his head soberly. “Not Spike or Angel.”

Roberto nodded and swung their joined hands idly. “’Cos they’re good vampires and we mustn’t set them on fire.”

Thoroughly enjoying the horrified look on Miss Butcher’s face that he could see out of the corner of his eye over the top of Luca’s dozing head, Draco winked down at his young charge. “That’s right. But what do we do to the bad ones?”

Roberto squealed and pulled his hand free to throw both arms around Draco’s solid thigh as he shouted gleefully, “We call you or Connor and you’ll beat them up and rip their sogging heads off!” He hugged Draco’s leg and wrapped both his own around one bony shin. “An’ then Dawn an’ Ginny’ll kick them in their privates!”

Draco beamed approval down at the shiny head and patted it briskly. “That’s right. But what did I say to you about swearing?” He looked sternly down at Roberto’s confused little face. “If you’re going to swear, then you do it properly, not like a little nancy Gryffindor baby. It’s not ‘sogging’ it’s ‘sodding’.”

Roberto resumed his bouncing and began to chant, “Sodding, sodding, sodding!” at the top of his lungs.

Draco raised bland, innocent eyes to Miss Butcher’s blotchy face. “Sorry about that, you were saying?”

“Could you please stop him doing that?” The hiss from Miss Butcher’s mouth had Draco questioning whether it was possible that the woman was an undiscovered Parselmouth and he tightened his grip on Luca unobtrusively before giving Roberto a light slap to the back of the head to silence him and prying him off his leg. The teacher took a few deep breaths and then fixed Draco with her most intimidating glare. “That is completely inappropriate behavior for a classroom.”

Draco fought valiantly against a devil may care grin – and failed – as he shrugged. “I didn’t think the boys were actually in a proper class today.” He looked over the room with a jaundiced eye. “This is meant to be some sort of post-Christmas party for the little ones, isn’t it?”

“Yes!” The teacher drew herself up to her full height and pulled her child disordered robes around herself imperiously. Sadly an effort completely wasted on Draco who merely hitched Luca up more securely and booted Roberto discreetly on his ankle when the child wiped his running nose on the hem of Draco’s robes. “And do you know what that boy said to the other children?” 

Draco looked down at Roberto and quirked an eyebrow. “Roberto?”

Two dark eyes stared defiantly up at Draco and then at Miss Butcher. “I said Father Christmas was a bad man and that we killed him!”

Miss Butcher closed her eyes in pained disbelief. “Now do you see the problem? I simply cannot allow that sort of naughtiness go unpunished.” She opened her eyes and glared down at Roberto. “It’s very naughty to tell lies, Roberto.”

Draco found himself reaching down and re-taking Roberto’s hand as the little boy’s lip began to quiver ominously. “Except I’ll think you’ll find he’s not telling lies.” He squeezed Roberto’s hand and out-glared Miss Butcher effortlessly. “And if you’ve dragged me down here because you couldn’t be bothered to check your facts before upsetting two little boys then I’m going to be extremely annoyed.”

“I beg your pardon?” Miss Butcher gazed wide-eyed at Draco’s hard expression. “I understand that you wish to help, Mr Malfoy, but I don’t think that either Mrs Weasley or Mrs Horvath will be very happy when they hear you are encouraging Roberto in upsetting the other children and telling fibs.”

Draco’s lip curled back in a snarl. “I’m not telling you again, my name is Angel, *not* Malfoy.” He took a fast step forward and a dark delight in the gasp of alarm from the teacher as she stumbled back from him in fright. “And Roberto is telling the truth. We did kill Father Christmas, him *and* his reindeer, just yesterday in fact. I assume you heard that there was an altercation in Hogsmeade?” Miss Butcher nodded faintly and looked up in hypnotized horror at the young man looming over her. “The demon we killed was Father Christmas and when we got home Roberto and Luca happened to overhear our report to the Slayer and we sat them down and explained what had happened as we happen to believe that honesty is the best policy when dealing with them.”

Roberto pulled his face out of Draco’s robes where he had been hiding it and scowled up at the woman. “See? I don’t tell lies.”

“Of course you don’t.” Draco drew Roberto in close to him and started to tap his foot. “Well, I’m waiting.”

“For what?” Miss Butcher looked desperately confused and like she wished she were anywhere but at Hogwarts School. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Draco hitched Luca up again as his head started to slip off his shoulder and tugged Roberto in front of him until the boy rested against his thighs. “I believe you owe Roberto an apology?”

Miss Butcher stopped looking confused and instead started looking angry once more. “I beg your pardon? I will not apologize to the child.” She sniffed and glowered up at Draco’s increasingly annoyed face. “He not only told the children that terrible tale, but he also punched little Algie Fraser and kicked Esmerelda Roberts.”

“Did you?” Draco glanced down at Roberto’s suddenly worried face and sighed in irritation. “What the bloody hell did you do that for?”

Roberto’s eyes darted from side to side, but he evidently realized that he had no hope of dodging the question and his shoulders hunched defensively as he muttered something in the direction of Draco’s boots. Draco sighed again. “Speak up, you little git, or I’ll burn all your shiny new toys.”

Roberto’s head jerked up and his eyes filled with tears once more. “They pushed Luca over and made him cry!” Tears overflowed and began to streak down his flushed face. “An’ they said that I was bad and told fibs and that’s why my mummy died.” His mouth opened wide in distress and he began to wail in earnest. “An’ they said that I’d get sent to a bad place for bad boys and I don’t wanna!”

Draco clapped a hand over Roberto’s mouth and flashed back to Cordelia taking Dumbledore to task over his overly enthusiastic saving of Kit from the Slytherins as he said firmly, “Then you did exactly the right thing. Well done.” It was hard to tell who was more surprised by the firm declaration from Draco, Roberto’s teacher or Roberto himself, but Draco was too relieved the loud wailing had ceased to really care. “And you are *not* getting sent to a place for bad boys because you didn’t lie and Connor and myself will get the bad man who killed your mum because it is not your fault that she died and I promise you we will not only cut off his head we’ll burn it as well, alright?”

Roberto sniffled and looked up at Draco hopefully. “Really?”

“I promise.” Draco nodded firmly and wiped his slimy hand on his robes with a grimace. “Now, did you and Luca bring anything with you when you came to the party?”

Roberto nodded. “’S. Our outdoor robes.” He shot a baleful look at Miss Butcher. “We was meant to go out and play on the grass.”

“How unutterably boring.” Draco gave the little boy a light shove and a tight smile. “Go and fetch the robes from wherever they are and we’ll wake Luca up and I’ll take you out to find Connor and give you a ride on our new broomsticks, okay?” He nodded encouragingly at Roberto as the child hesitated. “Go on, if you’re really lucky I’ll fly you over the lake and pretend to feed you to the monster.”

Roberto wiped his dripping nose on his sleeve and smiled radiantly. “Okay!”

Draco watched as he ran off and then turned to Miss Butcher. “As for you, I’d expect a visit from some pretty pissed off women pretty shortly. I don’t know what kind of sodding joke of a school you’re running here, but when I tell Molly and Liz what’s gone on today and why the boys were so upset, they’re going to be out for blood.” He smirked. “And considering the company we’re keeping these days there’s every chance I mean that comment literally. We have to feed my father and his childe somehow you know.” 

Miss Butcher gasped in outrage. “Don’t you threaten me, young man.”

Draco snorted and hitched Luca up again. “Who said anything about threatening you?” He gave her a dreadful smile. “I find it’s very liberating to be able to guarantee that the dire endings I used to threaten people with can actually come to pass. Watch your back and just pray I don’t see the Slayer and my mother before I see Liz and Molly, I can tell you from experience that you do not want to bring out their maternal instincts.” 

Miss Butcher paled but made a magnificent effort to look unaffected by his words. “You’re doing the child no favors in encouraging this behavior.” She didn’t see Roberto rejoin them and sneered spitefully at Draco, “When the war is over they’ll be going to an appropriate family and they will only have more difficulties in adjusting if you allow this unconscionable behavior to continue.”

Draco’s eyes narrowed as he caught sight of Roberto – and another telltale sob -- and he swiftly bent to pick the boy up and cradle him in his other arm. “You fucking miserable, sour-faced old bitch.” He grinned at Roberto as the little boy gasped at his choice words and tightened his grip as he looked back at the shocked teacher. “You don’t know what the sodding hell you’re talking about. If you think we’ve spent the last couple of months housebreaking these bloody little rats only to turn them over to someone else the minute the fighting stops then you’re even more stupid than you look.” He squeezed Roberto again as his breath hitched warningly again and directed his next words equally between teacher and child, “They’re as much a part of our house as anyone, and if anyone so much as *hints* about taking them off Liz and Molly to put them with some piss-poor approximation of what you call a normal family then I’ll take a sword to them myself.” He turned and smiled into Roberto’s confused and watery eyes. “Come on, dog-breath, let’s go and find Connor and have some fun.”

Roberto wrapped his arms around Draco’s neck as his savior marched off and whispered hesitantly, “Don’t wanna go and live in another house, Draco.”

Draco kicked a pile of building blocks out of his way and sniggered at the wail of protest from the child that had been playing with them. “Didn’t I just say I’d kill anyone that tried to make you? By the way, which one of these little gits are the ones that upset Luca?” He turned and peered across the room at two pasty-faced kids when Roberto pointed them out. “Right.” A small detour later and he was looming over the unfortunate Algie and Esmerelda. “If I hear of you two anywhere near Roberto and Luca again, I’ll rip your arms off and feed your legs to a dragon, alright?” The two children stared up at him and then burst into terrified sobs. “Good.” Draco wheeled around and marched back towards the door. “Fucking little maggots.”

Roberto giggled. “You said a lot of bad words. I’m telling.”

Draco kicked the door open and exited the room to a concerto of wails and sobs. “That’s bloody gratitude for you. I rescue you and your foul smelling brother from the clutches of that old cow and you threaten to tell tales on me.” He strode past some slack-jawed members of his ex-house without batting an eyelash and headed down the stairs to the grounds. “That’s it, I’m definitely drowning you when I fly you over the lake.”

Roberto hung on tighter and giggled again. “I’m still telling.”

Draco grinned and jumped down the last three steps into the sunshine as he went in search of their defiantly abnormal family. “I’m still drowning you.”

  
  


The End. 


	3. Angel and Draco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel gets to know his new son. Takes place between Chapters 25 and 26.

**Title: Freakazoid Low (but not): Angel and Draco (1/1)**

#  **Author: Karen**

**Rating: PG13**

**Distribution: Exclusive to Freaks-R-Us mailing list.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not a one.**

**Dedication (and blame): For Amatsubu.**

  
  


Angel watched as the boy he had claimed that day as his son slipped silently from the Room of Requirement and then found his other son’s eyes as Connor stood accepting a hug from Cordelia even as he kept one arm tight around Dawn’s shoulders. Connor darted a look at the door as it closed behind Draco and tilted his head in query at his father, silently asking if he should go after the other boy. Angel paused for a moment and then shook his head; he smiled briefly at Connor and subtly gestured for the boy to cover for him even as he followed Draco’s footsteps out the door. He heaved a sigh of relief as the raucous sounds of celebration faded behind him and then nodded at a couple of lingering Aurors before sniffing at the air and finding Draco’s scent, the healing wound on the kid’s hand still ripe with the scent of both their blood. 

Moving quickly, Angel slipped through the halls and corridors of the school, pausing briefly when he got to the moving staircases to squint dubiously at them, before just bunching his muscles and leaping gracefully from rail to rail, not willing to waste precious moments for them to align themselves in the order he needed to get to his new childe. Oblivious to the stares and mutters from the students still filling the corridors, Angel broke into a steady run as Draco’s scent became stronger and he continued to climb upwards through the castle until he finally found himself on top of the tower that had seen Dawn and her friends snatch Connor when his parents had given up all hope of his recovery from his physic coma and were sending him to London and a mental ward. 

Suppressing the shudder at the memory of nearly losing his beloved son, Angel sniffed at the air for the scent of his new one and then turned to see Draco perched between battlements and staring moodily down at the ground below. He approached cautiously not wanting to startle the boy and then, when he was in reach, stretched out a hand to take a cautionary grip on the back of Draco’s robes before he announced himself. “Hi.”

To his credit, Draco barely flinched but instead just turned his head and blinked before nodding in greeting. “Hello.” He studied Angel’s face for a moment before frowning slightly. “Was there something you wanted?”

Angel grinned at the cool voice and bland expression. Only he would get a kid with all Giles’ English dignity and Connor’s usual emotional restraint. “Well, first things first, I’d appreciate it if you’d get down from there.” He peered over the wall and shuddered dramatically. “You’ve already had to grow one spine this week, I don’t think you’re up to growing two.”

Draco frowned more deeply and looked confused for a moment as though he wasn’t used to anyone overtly showing concern for his health and then shrugged. “Certainly.” He swung himself around on his butt as Angel let go of his robes and then boosted himself onto the stone flags on the floor. There was a silence of a few moments whilst demon and boy studied each other and then Draco half turned away. “Well, if that will be all…”

“Uh, not quite.” Angel shifted from foot to foot and jammed his hands into the pockets of his pants as he scowled at the sky and then at the ground. “Hell, look, kid, I’m no good at this sort of thing, but I thought it might be a good idea if we just had a few minutes to kind of talk over what happened this afternoon and, well, get to know each other.” His eyes darted hopefully up to rest on Draco’s face. “What do you think?”

Draco pulled his robes tightly around himself and turned his face away from the stranger that was now to all intents and purposes his father. “Yes. I suppose that might be a good idea.” He unconsciously squeezed the hand that bore the mark of his claiming and took a perverse kind of pleasure in the small sting. “I’m very…grateful. I realise it was a great favour you did me and I want to assure you that there’s no need to be concerned about any demands I might make on you, I am confident I am more than able to support myself.”

Angel cocked an amused eyebrow. “Okay.” He clapped Draco on the shoulder and grinned at the boy’s expressionless face. “Now, why don’t you take your wand out of your ass and relax for a minute?” He ignored the startled hiss of breath from the teenager and gently pulled him until they fell into slow saunter around the tower top. “I realise this has gotta be a little weird for you and I can’t even imagine how you confused you must be about now, but while you’re at school and until you graduate and decide what kind of career you’re going for then I’m responsible for you just like I am for Connor. I’ll pay your allowance, buy your school supplies and save you from Cordelia when she wants to take you shopping for clothes…” Angel chuckled to himself as he rolled his eyes at the night sky. “Well, I’ll  _ try _ and save you anyway. She’s a little single-minded when it comes to the shopping. The best I can promise is that I won’t let her go armed.”

Draco was surprised into a small smile at the wry words but only for a moment. “That’s very generous of you, but I don’t want to become a burden. There’s really no need to assume responsibility for me.”

Angel reached Draco’s hand and tapped the small wound on the palm with one cool finger. “This says differently.”

Draco blinked down at his hand as though it belonged to someone else. “I think we both know that doesn’t mean anything. I truly am very grateful for what you did, but I’m afraid I can’t even pretend to know why you did it. I’m sure even without the revelations in court you’ve heard what kind of a person I am from Potter or one of the Weasleys.” He tugged his hand free of Angel’s light grasp and turned away to look over the moonlit grounds. “Even Dawn or Connor wouldn’t have had anything good to say about me before today.”

“Connor doesn’t exactly say much of anything if you want the truth.” Angel leaned companionably against the battlements and watched Draco’s profile in the darkness. “But I can tell you why I claimed you today.” He waited until Draco turned to squint at him and then folded his arms across his chest as he settled himself more comfortably against the ancient stone. “Until today Connor has only ever asked me for one thing before in his life. Dawn was injured a few months ago, in fact she died, and when Connor thought that he was going to lose her he begged me to turn her into a vampire.” Angel took a deep, unneeded breath as he thought of his son’s face in that terrible moment. “I thought my heart would break when I told him there was nothing I could do to help him. The first time he ever asked me for anything and I had to say no.” The vampire lifted one shoulder in an uncomfortable shrug and looked away from Draco for a moment before shaking his head and turning back. “I pretty much convinced myself that I’d blown my chance with him. Figured that he’d never bring himself to ask me for anything again because he couldn’t trust me to come through for him, but then he asked for you. Connor doesn’t give his trust easily and his friendship even less so, but he wanted to help you desperately enough that he was willing to ask me to make a blood bond with a kid he barely knows and tie  _ himself _ into a brotherly bond for the rest of his life.” 

Angel laughed lightly. “Truth be told, you could have murdered half of Southern England for all I cared, I just wanted to make my kid happy. But then I saw the look on your face when your father denied you and left you twisting in the wind and it was like looking at myself back when I was human. I was never enough for my own father, eventually I gave up even the pretence of trying to please him, and I saw that look on your face today and then I kind of wanted to claim you for me as well. It felt good saying in front of all those people that I had a right to two of the boys in that damned dock, that two kids who’d been braver and more honourable in the last five days than all of those so-called ‘war heroes’ were mine.”

Draco blinked stupidly. “But you don’t even know me.”

Angel shrugged again. “What’s to know? You stood up when it counted and Connor thinks that you’re worth saving. So do I.” He tapped the back of Draco’s hand. “That mark may not mean much to you, but to me and Cordy it means that we’ve got another kid who we can get to know and gloat about when he does something amazingly cool and yell at when he screws up and it means that we’ve got another kid that’ll hopefully look to us when he needs someone to fight his corner and stand behind him no matter what.” Angel leaned confidentially forwards. “And between you and me, Cordy is  _ way  _ more scary than I am when it comes to protecting what’s hers. She frightens the crap out of me and I’m mated to the woman.”

“I…” Draco swallowed and for the first time that day allowed himself to feel a measure of the confusion and hurt at Lucius’ rejection. “I don’t know what to do with that. I’m not sure how to be with people like that.”

“I know.” Angel smiled and squeezed Draco’s bicep. “None of us ever really are, but I’d like you to learn. We may not look like much, but the family we’ve built over the years is something you don’t want to turn your back on if you can help it. I can’t promise you its all going to be sweetness and light and that we’re always going to get along, but I can swear to you that we’ll never turn our backs on you and leave you alone.”

Draco frowned as some of Connor’s words in the courtroom came back to him. “But you threw Connor out onto the streets after he…er…”

Angel snorted. “Well, yeah. The little bastard had just dumped me in the ocean for three months, what do you expect?” He shook his head and then darted a guilty look at Draco. “Connor doesn’t know this, so you have to swear not to tell him.” He waited for Draco’s hesitant nod and then muttered quietly, “I checked up on him every night. Just kind of followed him for a little while and made sure he was getting enough to eat, wasn’t picking fights with things that he didn’t stand a chance with, that sort of thing.”

Draco stared at the guilty look on Angel’s face and felt his lips twitch. “So all that time he thought he was alone and beating his own path…”

Angel’s mouth quirked in a sly grin. “I’d already got there with the weed-whacker and, uh, beaten for him.” The grin stretched. “Occasionally leaving the odd fifty dollar bill unattended in an easily spotted place.”

Draco had no idea what a fifty-dollar bill was, but from the look on Angel’s face it was a very good thing. Or possibly illegal, he wasn’t sure. “Right. So you didn’t abandon him.”

Angel nodded at the statement and touched Draco’s hand for the last time. “Because I don’t turn my back on blood.” He grinned again. “And you’ve met Spike, that must say something about my patience and fortitude.”

Draco gave a harsh bark of laughter. “Quite.” He sobered and looked at Angel almost shyly. “I…Would you mind explaining the etiquette of the situation to me? I’m not sure how what I’m meant to call you or how I’m meant to refer to myself now.”

Angel smiled and jerked his head to indicate that they should be making a move back inside and out of the increasingly frigid night air. “You can call me whatever you’re most comfortable with. Connor tends to stick with Mom and Dad, but he occasionally calls Cordelia by her given name. I’d like it if you tacked Angel onto your surname, but if you prefer not to do that then I’m cool with it. I know that you aren’t in the same house as the others and your friends might things difficult for you as it is, even if you just stay a Malfoy.”

Draco sucked in a breath as it hit him for the first time that he wasn’t entitled to carry the name Malfoy any longer. He was ashamed to feel the sting of tears as he followed Angel down the steps leading back into the school and surreptitiously wiped the sleeve of his robe over his face to hide the evidence. Malfoys  _ never _ cried. 

Then he nearly missed his step as he realised that he didn’t have to be a Malfoy any longer, he could be an Angel and maybe, just maybe, Angels could cry. Maybe Angels howled like babies, but it didn’t matter because they belonged to a family that incorporated fathers that drank blood and mothers that glowed and went shopping with weaponry concealed about their person and other people that didn’t care about the past when the present and future were so much more interesting and more  _ immediate  _ than past disappointments and mistakes. 

He sniffed defiantly as he remembered Connor and Dawn taking such pride in their complicated lineage, and maybe it was ridiculous that they hung so tenaciously onto such ludicrously fragile familial connections, but to them it was real. The whip thin blond vampire was as real a father to Dawn and the muggle girl Kit as Draco had always imagined Lucius to be, and they took such  _ delight  _ in saying that they belonged to him. Sheer unadulterated delight in saying that their father was a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, bloodsucking  _ demon _ . 

Draco looked thoughtfully at the back of Angel’s head as he followed him and then took a deep measured breath. “I think Draco Angel sounds very…promising.”

Angel grinned and almost skipped down the last three steps. “Me too, kid. Me too.”

  
  


**The End.**


	4. Get Ya Freak On: Ron/Hermione

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron and Hermione, post Chapter 36.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for consensual underaged sex.

Ron looked up as Hermione pushed open his bedroom door and scrubbed a rough hand over his face to hide his tears. “Go away; I don’t want to see you.”    
  
Hermione shook her head, making her fat brown curls dance on her shoulders, and licked her lips nervously. “No. I…I need to talk to you.” She blinked back tears as Ron closed his eyes for a moment and then pushed past her towards the door, blurting out. “I’m sorry.”    
  
Ron clenched his fists at his side as he felt the rage rise within him once again and he backed away. “Just leave me alone...” His voice tailed off as Hermione awkwardly tapped her wand onto her back, muttered a charm and her dress slipped off her shoulders to pool at her feet so she stood before him in nothing but matching bra and panties. “What the hell are you doing?”    
  
Hermione shivered in the cold night air, kicked off her shoes and met Ron’s eyes, hoping she didn’t look as nervous as she felt. Dawn’s words rang in her head as she took a shaky step forward. “Being with you.” Her lips curved in a tremulous smile as she laid a hand on his arm. “If you want me to.”    
  
Ron forced his eyes to stay focused on her face and swallowed back the urge to take her in his arms and kiss the breath out of her. “Hermione, get out.” He struggled out of his formal coat and draped it around her shoulders. “Just go to bed.”    
  
Hermione’s eyes swam with embarrassed tears as he gave her a little shove towards the bedroom door and the shivers of cold turned to ones of shame. “I’m sorry. I…I thought you wanted me. I…I…” She spun on her heel to bolt for the corridor and squealed as Ron swore and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her back against him. “Please, le…let me go.”    
  
Ron folded his arms tightly around her struggling body, pinning her arms to her sides and lifting her off her feet. Ignoring Hermione’s pleas for freedom, he backed up until he felt a bed press against the backs of his legs and toppled them down, twisting to bring Hermione down trapped securely between the mattress and his body. He draped one long leg over hers and effectively held her immobile. “I should never speak to you again after what you just did.” He used the hand that wasn’t pressing her tightly against him to tilt her chin up until she was forced to look him in the eye. “You hurt me and humiliated me in front of the entire school.”    
  
Hermione wriggled futilely and then resigned herself to the fact that she was going nowhere until Ron decided to let her and responded quietly. “I know. I’m sorry.” A brief frown flickered over her face. “But I never would have done it if you hadn’t pushed me like that.”    
  
Ron stared at her with an indefinable expression and said. “So I was just meant to let Krum put his hands all over you and then sneak a kiss in before the end of the night?” He laughed bitterly. “Great, is that really how you see me? Big funny Ron, always there for a quick snog but heaven forbid I want more.” He expelled a shaky breath of air. “I have feelings, Hermione, you can’t treat me like that.”    
  
“I know.” Tears running freely down her face once again, Hermione tried to catch Ron’s miserable face between her damaged hands but he evaded her touch with a jerk of his head. “I’m so sorry, Ron. I was so worried about how everyone would react that I never once thought about what it was doing to you and me.” She choked on a sob. “And now I don’t know what to do to make it right.”    
  
“I don’t know whether you can.” Ron’s eyes were shimmering with his own tears as he dodged another attempt by Hermione to touch his face. “I don’t whether either of us can.” He tried to smile. “I should have just taken a leaf out of Spike or Connor’s book, hauled you over my shoulder and knocked bloody Krum out.”    
  
“I deserve whatever you want to do to me and more.” Hermione lifted her chin and tried to be brave. “But Viktor doesn’t. I used him in a childish game and he didn’t do anything wrong.” She blushed with shame and muttered. “I was trying to make you jealous.”    
  
“Jealous?” Ron’s hand bunched in Hermione’s hair and pulled so sharply against the strands she gasped with pain. “You made me INSANE! What have I ever done to deserve what you did to me tonight?”    
  
Hermione blinked suddenly frightened eyes as her head was tilted back on the bed and Ron’s furious face stared into hers. “I…I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you, Ron, I swear.” She gasped as his hand tightened in her hair and shrieked. “I was scared!”    
  
“Of what, me?” Ron laughed mirthlessly. “Oh that’s a good one, Hermione. Really. You’ve fought and defeated the worst of dark magics since you were a kid and now you’re a demon killer. Yeah, I can see how plain, old boring me would terrify the knickers off you.”    
  
Hermione managed to wriggle one arm free and thumped Ron’s chest in frustration. “Well, you do terrify me. You were so confident and calm about everything and it didn’t seem to matter what I did, I couldn’t stop myself falling in love with you and you didn’t even notice that I couldn’t be your friend anymore.” She hit him again and gave a loud pitiful sniff. “And now you’re pulling my hair!”    
  
Ron shut his mouth with a snap and hurriedly untangled his fingers from her curls. “Sorry, what?”    
  
Thoroughly miserable, Hermione sniffed again and forced herself to give Ron his pound of flesh so she could get the hell out of his room as soon as possible. “I said I loved you and it scared me.” She turned her face to the side as she muttered. “I’m seventeen and I can’t imagine not having you in my life, it shouldn’t be like this.”    
  
“Oh, bugger that.” Ron cupped turned Hermione’s face back to his and whispered. “Did you mean it about loving me?” He tried not to shake as he waited for her answer, but his body just couldn’t seem to contain all the emotion inside it without some kind of outlet.    
  
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed in defeat. “Yes, I love you, alright. Happy now?”    
  
“Amazingly, yes.” Ron’s wounded hand tried to clumsily soothe the curls he had been nearly pulling out moments before. “That’s all you ever had to say, Herm. I would have done anything to hear it.”    
  
Hermione’s eyes were still closed and her face creased in misery. “You’re missing the point; I didn’t want to say it. Things are so terrible; the baby and Xander and all the fighting, all we need is another distraction.”    
  
“Open your eyes.” Ron stroked Hermione’s cheek until she reluctantly obeyed him and then said huskily, “Xander’s home and Anya and the baby are fine. I can’t do anything about the fighting but isn’t it better to have someone to share your problems with? Things are getting better, Herm, and when they get great we’ll have already got through the worst that any couple will have to go through and we can just concentrate on being together.” He smiled gently. “I don’t want to tie you down or trap you, I just want to be with you and love you. What’s so wrong about that?”    
  
“I…” Hermione blinked up at him and tried to think. “I…well…nothing, I suppose. When you put it like that it sounds so stupid.”    
  
Ron manfully resisted the golden opportunity to gloat and instead nodded seriously. “Yeah, it does. Completely stupid.” He bent his head and lightly touched her lips with his. “So I reckon the big question is, are you still feeling stupid or do you want to give us a chance?”    
  
“Yo…You’ll still let me?” Hermione’s mouth fell open and she searched Ron’s eyes warily. “You’ll give me another chance?”    
  
“Well, if any other girls in the school were still talking to me, probably not; but as you’re the only one and you’ve already got most of your clothes off and you’re in my bed I reckon so.” Ron grinned widely as Hermione flung her arms around his neck and burst into overwrought tears. “You idiot, Herm.”    
  
Hermione nodded her head in frantic agreement and managed to wipe her running nose all over his dress robes. “I know, I am, I’m a complete idiot.” She sniffled. “I love you so much and I thought I’d lost you forever.”    
  
“Nah, just mislaid me for a couple of minutes.” Ron wrapped his arms tightly around his sobbing girlfriend and hugged her for all he was worth. “You nit.” They lay there in a tangle of arms and legs for a long time before Hermione finally managed to stop crying. Eventually all was silent, except for the occasional hiccup from the young witch, and Ron tapped her on the shoulder. “Er, Hermione, about the whole no clothes thing...”    
  
“Dawn said I shouldn’t talk to you but just take off my clothes and show you how I felt.” Hermione cuddled closer to Ron and pressed a kiss to the base of his neck. “And Connor heard her even though she whispered, and nodded at me so I thought it was a good idea.”    
  
“Right.” Ron cleared his throat carefully. “Only I don’t think it’s a good idea if you’re just doing it to make things up to me. Not that I don’t appreciate it!” He spoke hastily as Hermione raised her head and stared at him. “But I think I’d rather do it because we want to than out of guilt or something. All I wanted was you; we can work the rest out later.” He peered at her face closely. “Er, that muggle paint has run a bit, Herm.”    
  
Hermione scowled, making her look like an angry racoon rather than just the common or garden variety, and said. “Well, I want you and I want to sleep with you. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t feel the way I do and I’m tired of being scared all the time.” She shrugged uncomfortably as Ron gaped at her. “What? Are you telling me you haven’t thought about it?”    
  
“Well, yeah.” Ron coughed and tried to look as though he got asked similar questions every day of his life. “’Course I have. I just didn’t think that you did.”    
  
“Sometimes after we’ve been together that’s all I can think about.” Hermione looked thoughtful. “And that’s never happened with anyone else. I think that means you’re the right one.”    
  
“You think?” Ron looked wary. “See, if you’re not sure…”    
  
“That’s just it, I’ve been sure for ages, I just didn’t know it.” Hermione smiled tentatively. “But now I do and I definitely know that if I don’t act on those feelings soon then I may just explode. I don’t want it to be anyone else, Ron; I just want it to be you.”    
  
“Ok.” Ron nodded. “I want it to be me too.” He loosened his arms around her and waggled his hands. “We might have a problem tonight though.”    
  
Hermione peered over his body and spotted her wand lying where she had dropped it on the floor. “Stay right here.” She struggled up and then scampered over the cold floor, yelping as her bare feet turned to ice and then sprinted back waving the wand triumphantly. “This will help.” Climbing back onto the bed, Hermione smiled down at Ron nervously. “I really, really love you.” She tapped the wand against her bra and then the material loosened and her breasts were bouncing free of their confinement.    
  
Ron reached up and held the material against her. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do this, Herm.”    
  
Hermione’s blinding smile said more than words how much his offer meant to her, but she leaned back to allow the material to fall and hooking it with the tip of her wand she sent it flying across the room. “I love you.” She bent down and kissed Ron gently and whispered confidingly, “And if I don’t show you how much I’m going to explode.”    
  
Ron sat up and brushed her long hair back over her shoulders to uncover her breasts, as he looked at her in the dim light. He cupped a soft mound carefully. “You look stunning.” He kept his eyes on hers as he dragged a thumb over her nipple and ignored the streaks of make-up that still adorned her face. “Very, very beautiful.”    
  
Hermione bit her lip as the light touch sent shivers up and down her spine. “Ron…” She gasped as he leaned forward and took her into his mouth. “Ron…”    
  
Ron wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him with a muffled sound as she went lax in his arms. Her hands played over his head and then slipped down to stroke mindlessly over his shoulders and back as he increased the pressure of his mouth slightly. Ron groaned as his groin tightened almost painfully and he moved one hand to grip Hermione’s bottom and knead the sensitive flesh there in time with the movements of his mouth. Hermione bent her head over his and her long hair tickled his ears and the back of his neck as she pushed and writhed against him. With a soft pop Ron pulled his mouth from Hermione and leaned back. “Herm, just let me…my shirt…” Forgetting that he had no mobility in his hands to speak of, Ron fumbled with the small buttons before scowling in frustration. “Damn it!”    
  
Hermione pushed his hands away and pushed on his shoulders until he fell back against the bed. She smiled and picked up her wand again. “Let me.” Ron gripped the bedcover as she tapped each button in turn with her wand and then kissed each piece of skin as it was revealed. Silence reigned in the room, aside from the occasional sigh or moan from Ron, as Hermione methodically worked her way down his chest and over his stomach to finally lay the shirt flat on either side of his body. She lifted her head and stared down at the panting body beneath her, one hand still in its charmed glove gently running up and down the pale skin. “I never realised men could be beautiful as well.” She traced over newly developed muscles and quivering skin. “I could look at you all night.”    
  
Ron caught her hand in his and raised his head to look in her eyes. “You’re not going to are you?” He sat up and brought their naked chests into contact for the first time. “I can think of much better things to do.”    
  
“Me too.” Hermione linked her arms around his neck and kissed him. “A lot of better things.” The room was silent once more as they teased and touched each other with their mouths and bandaged hands, soft sighs and moans the only communication between then. Ron pulled Hermione closer to him as he suckled gently at the base of her neck and then groaned as her groin covered his and she began to rock against him. Hermione gasped as she felt Ron’s hardness press intimately against her and for a moment felt a flash of worry as she realised the size of him, but then the thought was gone as a sharp stab of pleasure spread out from her groin at the delicious friction they were creating as they moved together.    
  
Ron twisted suddenly and brought Hermione down to press her onto the mattress beneath them. He moved down from her throat, trailing wet, open mouthed kisses before reaching the tip of one full breast and sucking her into his mouth. Hermione jumped as she felt his tongue sweep over her and then her hands were moving of their own accord to press him closer to her aching flesh. Ron skated the hand that wasn’t holding him braced above her down the line of her torso and dragged his mouth across her flesh to give his attention to her other breast. He smiled to himself as Hermione jerked upwards again and then went lax under his gentle touch. The hand that was resting on her hip moved slowly to the waistband of her panties and he gently eased the tips of his fingers beneath the material.    
  
Her hands clutched at his shoulders as one blunt finger pressed firmly against her soft flesh. “Ron!” Ron moved his hand for a second and gripped the waist of her underwear clumsily. With one quick yank he had them down to her thighs and Hermione wriggled as he tugged them down her legs and then pulled them over her feet with an exclamation of triumph. The underwear was sent sailing carelessly over his shoulder as Ron pushed Hermione’s legs apart and returned to exploring the wet folds between her legs. He fumbled for a moment before withdrawing his hand with a muttered curse and ignored Hermione’s protest to sit up and pull the bandages on his hands roughly away. He stared blankly at the palms of his hands for a long moment. “Bloody hell.” Although still undeniably swollen and sore, the jagged wounds on his flesh had knitted together and bore more of a resemblance to week old wounds than ones that had happened only hours before.    
  
Hermione sat up. “What?” She stared at Ron’s hands. “My goodness.” Wordlessly she held out her own bandages to him and then they both stared silently at her own healing hands. “Oh.” Their eyes met and held before Hermione flung her arms around Ron’s neck and said the last words he expected to hear. “Bugger our hands, better things to do remember?”    
  
Ron crushed his mouth to hers. “Thank Merlin!” He pushed her down onto the bed once more and resumed his exploration of her body.    
  
Hermione met his hungry mouth with her own as she fumbled for the catch on his trousers and her hands shook as she tried to concentrate on the gentle exploration of his hand and on getting him as naked as she was. Haste made her clumsy and it took her a few tries before his zipper could be made to work, but finally she tugged it down and her hand was delving through the hole in the front of his boxer shorts to close around the hard length he was concealing there. Ron nearly bit through both their lips as her hot hand surrounded him and he moaned loudly as her thumb brushed clumsily over his head before she began to stroke him with delicate fingers. Their breath mingled in hot bursts as they rubbed and stroked each other and it was only when Ron realised that he was in danger of bringing things to a premature close that he pulled away. Pressing a hard kiss to Hermione’s mouth as she protested the sudden lack of contact, he rolled onto his back and pushed his trousers and underpants off his hips quickly and kicked them gracelessly off his legs. With an admiring look at the wanton picture Hermione made as she sprawled naked on the bed with lust-glazed eyes, Ron rolled back and positioned himself between her spread thighs. “Are you protected?”    
  
Hermione’s famous mind went on the fritz at Ron’s urgent question and she blinked in confusion. “Wh…what?”    
  
Ron braced himself on shaking arms and tried to ignore the feeling of her heat pulsing against his straining flesh and the protesting pounding of the blood in his hands as he covered her. “Are you protected? You know, against…”    
  
The light dawned in Hermione’s eyes. “Oh!” She raised her hips to his and whispered. “I did the charm on the way up here.” She smiled lovingly into his eyes. “I looked it up weeks ago.”    
  
Ro shook his head as he moved forward and felt his skin coat itself in her juices; he shifted his hips and moaned in frustration as he slipped in her wetness. “Hold still.” He balanced himself on one elbow and reached between their two bodies to take hold of himself and place his pulsing head at her entrance. Slowly he pushed forward and then brought his hand quickly away as Hermione stifled a gasp as he stretched her open. He fumbled for one of her suddenly limp hands and laced his fingers with hers to bring it up and lay it alongside her head. Hermione grabbed his other hand and held it tightly as he pinned it to the mattress on the other side of her head and then began to move very slowly as he began to work his way fully inside of her. Hermione kept her eyes focused on Ron’s anxious blue ones above her as he thrust against her and felt the instinctive tensing of her muscles fade as he smiled reassuringly down at her. She gradually relaxed and cautiously moved her hips to meet one of his downward thrusts, her face going slack with surprise when the move helped him clear the final barrier and he sank deep inside her.    
  
“Merlin…” Ron’s fingers flexed painfully against hers. “Hermione, I don’t think I can last much longer…”    
  
Hermione worked her fingers loose and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. “Then don’t. I love you, Ron.” She sighed as he moved a little faster against her and then jumped in surprise as she felt one of his hands snake between them to press firmly against the wet flesh he was thrusting against.    
  
Ron held himself on one trembling arm and thrust awkwardly as he stroked her. “I know how to make it good for you. Trust me.” His finger pressed a little harder and Hermione shuddered as she felt a sharp stab of pleasure tighten her groin. Ron bit his lip as his body shook above her and concentrated on rubbing the hard nub of flesh he had found. Hermione began to pant as a hot fire built between her thighs and then she was crying out his name as the heat suddenly exploded through her body and she felt her flesh pulse around Ron. Ron cried out as the first of her muscle spasms gripped him and then the hand that had done such marvellous things to her body was pulled hastily away as he braced himself over her and thrust blindly into her as his own orgasm overtook him.    
  
Hermione held tightly to Ron as he collapsed onto her and gasped for air and found herself grinning foolishly at the canopy overhead. Her body was still shivering from the amazing sensations Ron had wrung from it and there was soreness between her thighs that was beginning to make itself felt, but all in all she felt things had gone very well. Hermione turned her head and kissed Ron’s hair as he lay shuddering against her. “I love you.”    
  
Ron managed to gather the strength necessary to roll to the side and take his not inconsiderable weight off Hermione. “I love you, too.” He grinned feebly at her. “Wow.”    
  
Hermione beamed at him and snuggled close to his heaving chest, sighing happily as his arm fell securely over her. “Seconded.” She pressed her lips to the pulse still throbbing frantically at the base of his throat and whispered shyly. “Where did you learn how to do that? I thought you were…well, I thought you hadn’t done it before.”    
  
Ron shifted until he had could bring his other arm under her shoulders and cuddled her close to his chest. “I haven’t, you were my first.” He chuckled. “But there are a few definite benefits to having five older brothers.”    
  
“Oh.” Hermione blushed scarlet from the tips of her toes to the roots of her hair and asked worriedly. “You aren’t going to tell them about us, are you?”    
  
“No.” Ron patted her back reassuringly. “I think they know what to do, Herm.”    
  
Hermione giggled and then shivered as the cold air raised goose bumps on her exposed flesh. “I should go; the others will be back soon.”    
  
Ron’s eyes, which had drifted shut, snapped open and he clutched her firmly against him. “Bugger that.” He looked around and noticed his wand sitting on his bedside cabinet, two beds over. Finally becoming aware that he hadn’t been paying a great deal of attention to where he and Hermione had been, he realised that they were occupying the wrong bed. “Sod it.” He bounced his head off his pillow irritably and then snorted with amusement. “I can’t believe I just lost my virginity in Draco bloody Malfoy’s bed.”    
  
Hermione blinked and then began to laugh as his words registered. “Oh no!”    
  
Ron grinned as she giggled into his chest and made his decision. “Here’s what we’re going to do, we’ll go and get into my bed and I’ll put a binding charm on the door.” He eased Hermione off his chest and sat up. “Come on.”    
  
Hermione sat up and shook her head. “Ron, I can’t stay here tonight. Everyone will know what we’ve been doing. Your mother will know what we’ve been doing!”    
  
Ron rolled his eyes and took her hands to tug her protesting off Malfoy’s bed and towards his own. “That’s the idea, remember?” He pulled back his covers and pushed her unceremoniously onto the mattress. “And if they don’t figure it out when they have to share the girls’ dorm or bunk in the common room then they’ll know for sure when they see the state of Malfoy’s bed because I’m not bloody waking up to make it tomorrow morning.” He waved his wand at the bedroom door and muttered the binding charm before jumping into bed and pulling her into his side. “Go to sleep. I love you.”    
  
Hermione worried fretfully at her lip. “But, Ron, what if…”    
  
Ron tilted her face up to his and kissed her hard. “Shut up, Hermione. If you go to sleep like a good girl I might be persuaded to show you what else my brothers taught me in the morning.”    
  
Hermione opened her mouth and then hurriedly reconsidered. “Goodnight, Ron.” She snuggled her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes obediently as she put all thoughts of what her house would say out of her mind. “I love you.”    
  
Ron gave a happy sigh as he closed his own eyes. “I know.”    
  



	5. Angel, Connor, and Draco: The Birds and the Bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has a father/sons talk with his boys and it goes rather as you'd expect when his sons are the two hottest pieces of male ass at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and *know* it.

"Women," Angel stopped pacing around the bedroom that his sons currently occupied with their two friends at Hogwarts School an gestured expansively � and slightly desperately � in mid-air with his perceptibly trembling hands. "Are like, um�"

Connor and Draco Angel exchanged puzzled looks where they were seated side by side on Connor's bed and then looked at their not- quite-sweating demonic father. Connor raised an eyebrow when it became apparent that Angel was floundering slightly for his next words and said encouragingly, "Yeah? Women are like?"

Angel swallowed heavily and rasped, "Women are like�" He trailed off again.

Draco frowned in confusion and offered helpfully, "Ah, women? Women are like women, yes?"

"Yes!" Looking pathetically relieved, Angel nodded frantically at his two baffled children. "Exactly! Except when they're not."

Connor and Draco eyed their father and shifted uncomfortably on the bed as Angel stared at them with a slightly crazed expression. Connor coughed. "You mean like when they're demons or something?"

"Yes!" The exultant yell had all three jumping in surprise before Angel scowled at the two boys. "No! Are you even paying attention here?"

Draco snorted. "Well *we* are, I certainly couldn't swear to your own mental abilities at the moment. What on *earth* are you blithering on about?"

Angel looked extremely hurt and offended. "I'm talking about women." He straightened his shoulders and soldiered manfully on in the face of extreme apathy and bewilderment in his children and a rather pressing desire to run for the nearest exit on his own behalf. "I'm *trying* to give you the benefit of my experience." Against all probability, his shoulders straightened even more. "There comes a time in every man's life when�what? What are you laughing at?"

Connor blinked apologetically over the top of his hand where it was pressed firmly against his mouth as he tried to muffle the sudden attack of manly giggles he was stricken with and then gave up at the injured look on his father's face and dissolved into a whooping heap on his bed. "The ben�ben�benefit of *your* experience?" The Destroyer's face turned an extremely unhealthy shade of crimson as he fought to contain his laughter. "God, we are *so* screwed."

Draco hiccupped wildly next to him where he was bent over clutching at his mid-section and trying to gulp in much needed air. "Not if we listen to him we're not!"

"Hey!" Angel scowled. "Watch it!"

Connor choked and sagged back onto the bed weakly, his move to sit back up aborted by his brother's snide comment and the outraged expression on his father's face.

Draco wiped futilely at the tears streaming from his laughing eyes and gestured weakly at Connor's shuddering body next to him. "Oh come on, Con's told me all about your history with women. Have you ever had a girlfriend that *hasn't* tried to kill you?"

Angel scowled harder and folded his arms defensively across his chest. "Of course." He gritted his teeth at the blatantly skeptical look on his sons' faces. "I have! There's your mother�"

Connor whooped with renewed laughter at this blatant untruth. "Yes she has, she's tried to kill you *tons* of times!"

Angel's teeth ground together hard it looked like he was trying to eat his own face from the inside out and he spat, "She was possessed. Evilly possessed."

Draco sniggered spitefully. "Yes she was." He waited a beat and then broke up laughing again. "By the need to *kill* you."

Angel pouted and muttered consolingly to himself, "All the other times *I* was evil. She had a duty." He renewed his glare at his sniggering sons. "And I'm not the only one whose girlfriend's tried to off them. *Connor*."

Connor stopped laughing and hurriedly sat up with a warning growl and a distinct snap to his expression. "Keep your damn voice down, if Dawn hears you and gets herself upset about that rebar thing again then your ass is *mine*."

Draco nodded in agreement and pulled himself up to sit shoulder to shoulder with his brother. "And then we'll tell mum that you made Dawn cry."

Angel huffed to himself and muttered bitterly, "Good luck with *that*, your mom is the whole reason we're here in the first place." He turned his back on his still glowering children and began to pace up and down the room, squeaking to himself in a high-pitched falsetto that was blatantly meant to be a rather cruel impression of the love of his eternal life. "They need *advice*, sweetie. It's your duty as their father, honey. We have a responsibility to make sure they know *their* responsibilities, lover."

Draco raised an eyebrow and stared at his mincing father even as he jabbed his brother in the ribs with a bony elbow. "He's finally cracked under the pressure. You get the stakes, I'll get the holy water."

Connor ignored Draco and stared in fascination at his now wildly gesturing father as he apparently held a fierce and bitter argument with the absent Cordelia. "Whoa, someone needs to get laid, stat." He dragged his eyes away from Angel and grinned smugly at Draco as he confided, "Not *me* of course, but other people in the near vicinity who shall remain sexless."

Draco rolled his eyes and popped his brother around the back of his self-satisfied head halfheartedly with a loose fist. "Ginny and I are taking things slowly." He leered at Connor and patted his shoulder condescendingly as he pulled his hand back. "I believe in quality rather than quantity, brother dear, and there is something to be said for building the anticipation."

Connor looked utterly surprised. "Really? Dawn and I are still at that whole tearing-the-clothes-off-each-other stage."

Draco glared and punched Connor again, this time rather harder and with considerable more ire. "Yes I know; stop bloody borrowing my shirts when you slope off to that fetid boudoir of yours in the Owlerey. That sodding hellcat has gone through three of my nicest silk shirts and two t-shirts since Sunday and it's only bloody Tuesday!"

Connor grinned and rolled his shoulders under yet another borrowed shirt. "What can I say, it's been a slow week."

Draco rolled his eyes impatiently. "You are such a git."

Connor shrugged, blatantly unconcerned. "Yeah, but I'm a git with regular shagging privileges. You'd be surprised how much that helps."

Despite his annoyance and the threat of all of his shirts falling prey to Dawn's overenthusiastic handling of her clothes stealing boyfriend before the week was out, Draco found himself laughing at Connor's smug expression. "Twat. And if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, stop using the word shag. You Yanks just can't pull it off." He darted a speaking glance down at his brother's groin. "Although if you carry on the way you're going, I suppose nothing is beyond the realms of possibility."

Connor grinned. "Nah, got that whole super strength and healing thing working for me." He sent his own look down towards his groin, and smiled fondly. "We're good to go here, buddy."

"I *am* still here you know." Both boys jumped at their father's rather reproachful and plaintive reminder and turned their heads to see their favorite creature of the night looking somewhat flustered as he cringed back against the fireplace. The flickering and dangerously open flamed fireplace.

Draco blinked in alarm and ventured worriedly, "Er, Dad�"

Angel looked even more reproachful and flustered. "I mean there's just some things that a father doesn't need to know, okay?" Completely oblivious to the sudden smoking of his trouser leg, Angel continued longingly, "Couldn't you just *pretend* that you aren't� HEY!" He spluttered in outrage as he found himself the recipient of a fortuitous jug of ice cold water courtesy of Connor's fast reflexes and his trousers began to hiss as they cooled down. "What the hell was that for?! If anyone around here needs a cold shower it's you two, okay?"

Connor rolled his eyes, placed the now empty jug back down at Harry's bedside and explained irritably, "Your pants were on fire."

Angel's mouth closed with a snap and he blinked modestly. "Well, your mom certainly thinks so, but�" Belatedly his brain caught up with his mouth and he looked down and then back. "Oh." Ignoring the renewed laughter from his sons, he stepped away from the fire and brushed ineffectively at his sodden shirt and hair. "Thanks."

Connor waved a casual hand through the air. "No problem." He eyed his decidedly humiliated father and then the bedroom door. "Are we done here now?"

Angel sagged and his trousers continued to steam forlornly. "Yes."

Draco and Connor swapped looks and then sighed before making their way over to the dispirited looking vampire and taking up positions on either side of him. Draco placed a hand on Angel's damp shoulder and said carefully, "Look, before I met you I really was a complete and utter bastard�"

Connor snorted. "And that's changed how, exactly?"

"*But*," Draco shot his brother a quelling look and raised his voice slightly, "But now I've learned to bend a little in certain areas that I haven't been quite as flexible in before."

Connor snorted again. "That's not what *I* heard."

"*Will* you belt up?" Draco slapped his extremely unhelpful brother in exasperation and then turned back to his unhappy looking father. "What I'm trying to say is that you offering advice on relationships in regards to the female of the species is rather superfluous when you, ah�Connor?"

Connor glared and rubbed his stinging arm pointedly. "Oh *now* you need me, huh? I thought I was meant to `belt up'?"

Draco sneered as Connor made a pitiful stab at impersonating his own English drawl. "I'm English, you pillock, not *Scottish*." He jerked his head meaningfully at Angel. "And he's your father too."

Connor glared and then turned grumpily to Angel. "Look, Dad, what his majesty here is trying to say is that you don't need to tell us anything about women, okay? You've kinda already got it covered with the whole lead by example thing you got going on for you."

Angel blinked stupidly. "What?"

Connor shook his head sorrowfully and said very slowly, "We just have to watch how you are with mom to know that all we have to do is love our girls and everything will work out okay."

Angel blinked again, this time rather mistily. "Oh!"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Pansy."

"What? Where?" Connor spun around and glared at the room, reaching for the dagger he wore in a shoulder sheath as he did so. "How did she get in here?"

"Thank the stars you're pretty." Draco stared in pitying wonder at his brother. "I *meant* that you are a complete and utter, er, what's the term you people use?" His brow creased in deep thought for a moment before clearing as he said triumphantly, "Wuss! You're a complete and utter wuss!"

"Hey!" Connor stopped checking out the room and switched his attention back to Draco, carefully ignoring Angel who seemed to be sniffing suspiciously and rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. "I am *not*, I'm *sensitive*. Dawn says that's a good thing."

Draco gave Angel one last supportive pat and began to saunter towards the door. "Dawn also considers cutting heads off demons a good way of spending her recreation time, I think we can safely discount any opinions she might have as invalid in account of the fact that she is quite clearly *insane*."

"She is *not*." Connor waved goodbye at his father and started after Draco as the other boy disappeared out the door. "She's very well balanced, Spike said so!"

"Forging a mental health assessment and then signing a false signature in blood does not a stable individual make, Connor!" Angel sniffed again as Draco's exasperated voice floated back through the open door and then he smiled brightly as two voices raised in affectionate laughter reached his ears.

Okay, so they were arrogant, cocky and most of the time downright *pissy*, but, hell, he was doing a *great* job with those kids. Sighing happily to himself, Angel looked down at his sopping wet outfit and grinned. Now all he had to do was go find Cordelia, tie her to the nearest bed and make her sorry that the thought ever crossed her mind that their kids needed a sex ed lesson from their devoted father. He marched with a determined step towards the door and his revenge. He'd been evil for over a hundred years and change, that had to come in handy sometimes, right?


	6. Why Connor Should Never be Allowed to Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A future glimpse of the men of The Eight a few years hence, still doin' what they do best.

"Y'know," Ron Weasley stared thoughtfully out of the window as he watched the London streets wiz past and absently rubbed his chin. "When we promised to help your dad move those demon refugees quickly and discreetly, this probably wasn't what he had in mind."

Draco Angel scowled as he yanked on the steering wheel in front of him and gritted his teeth as the resulting g-force threatened to bring up his barely digested dinner. "What makes you say that?"

Ron steadied himself on the back of Draco's chair and glanced back over his shoulder. "Well, the fact that we've nicked the Knight Bus and are getting chased by some really angry Aurors and half the muggle police force is a bit of a clue." He squinted through the bus rear window and added, "Looks like they called the army in as well."

Draco winced. "Which one?"

Ron sighed gloomily. "All of them, I think."

"Connor!" Draco whipped the steering wheel the other way to avoid an unsuspecting car that had innocently followed it's right of way and nearly found itself being flattened by an out of control, bright purple wizarding bus and screwed his head back over his shoulder to bellow, "How are we doing with the concealing charm?" He listened carefully over the screams and whimpers from his traumatised cargo and then yelled impatiently when no answer was forthcoming, "CONNOR!"

Ron staggered as the bus swerved again and then screamed like a woman when a body dropped without warning from the heavens and plastered itself against the front window of the bus. Connor Angel grinned, waved and flashed a thumbs up at his brother and his friend before disappearing again up over the top of the bus with a blur of hard muscle and luxuriant hair. Ron clutched weakly at his chest. "I hate it when he does that."

Draco fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat and made a mental note to check his underwear at the first available opportunity. "I would have thought you'd have been used to it by now, Weasel." His face screwed up in annoyance as he realised that his underwear was definitely a little damper than it should be, and readjusted his mental note to include killing his brother right after changing his underwear. "The Powers know we've experienced his suicidal tendencies enough over the years."

Ron peered nervously out of the windscreen and up into the night sky. "I try not to think about it too much. Gives me heartburn."

Draco nodded, swerved around a slightly panicked looking pub and muttered grimly, "Probably wise." He took his eyes off the road briefly and glanced upwards, hastily looking back down when Ron yelped and clutched fearfully at his shoulder. "Alright, alright, calm down, Weasley. Just trying to see where he is."

Both men jumped when a loud roar and terrific burst of flame from the rear of the bus suddenly lit up the interior and the unmistakable yell of a Destroyer in full-on battle mode rang through the night air.

Draco swallowed heavily. "How bad is it?"

Ron squeezed his eyes shut, whimpering, "I won't look, and you can't make me."

"Weasley!" Draco's attention was caught by a lone, burning tire bouncing past the bus and then wheeling away to disappear down a side street. He sighed heavily. "Oh. *That* bad."

Ron reminded himself he was a member of the legendary Eight, gave himself a brief pep talk on not being such a screaming wimp and forced his eyes open to look over his shoulder. Then promptly shut his eyes again and clutched at Draco's shoulder once more. "We've lost the army."

Draco hunched his shoulders unhappily, only partially to try and shrug off Ron's painful grip. "And the Aurors and police?"

Ron's grip tightened. "Probably best we don't talk about it. *Ever*."

"Understood." Draco eased off the accelerator slightly now that their pursuers were no longer�pursuing. "I imagine that Potter's probably needing some help with that concealing charm now things have calmed down." He darted a narrow glance up at the ceiling over his head and said icily, "I think it's almost certain that *someone* was having far too much fun blowing up the misguided fools following us to consider sticking around and helping with the runes and potions required."

"No I wasn't!" Connor Angel's strident denial had both Ron and Draco gasping in fright when it sounded directly behind them, and the bus veered sharply to the left before Draco got it back under control and moving down the middle of the street in relative safety. Connor scowled at his brother and Ron as he flung himself down to the floor at their feet, and crossed his arms over his chest as he said loftily, "Actually Harry said that it was probably best that I concentrate on shaking off our tails because he didn't think that he'd be able to bypass the anti-tampering charms in time to do us any good." He thumped himself on the chest. "I *helped*."

Draco risked a glance downwards and spat with great conviction, "The next time Dad gets a yearning to help a downtrodden populace, you are staying at *home*. This is the third time in as many years you've directly contributed to uninvited inner city cleansing and I am *not* spending another night on my sofa because Ginny won't believe I didn't help you in some way."

Connor frowned and pointed out reasonably, "You're driving the bus. That's helping."

Draco's eyes bulged, he gripped the steering wheel so hard that it creaked and then he sagged in his seat. "I am *never* getting laid again. Not ever."


	7. Last Man Standing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regular readers of Freakazoid High, do *not* hurt me, okay?
> 
> Think of this as something that ensures the Eight make it through in `canon'. I just had to get it out of my system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for torture and major character death.

Connor Angel writhed with pain on the floor, tears streaming from his eyes and his limbs jerking in anguish as his body was hit time and again with the Cruciatus curse and the laughter of his captors ringing in his ears. He gasped for air when the spell abruptly ceased, his body lax and spent of all energy after days upon days of the same endless torture.

His eyes sought and found the dead body of his mate. Dawn still lying where she had fallen after undergoing the same hell as Connor.

He had no idea how long he had been there now. Time had ceased to have any meaning for him after losing both his mate and his brother before his helpless eyes. Their tormentors had refused them the final kindness of meeting death together. The legendary Eight had instead been picked off one by one, forced to watch as one after the other they had been dragged before Voldemort and his followers and sent to meet their makers as slowly and as painfully as possible.

Harry had been first. Poor brave, selfless Harry had lasted almost a full day and night before finally sobbing his last breath and, with his eyes fixed on Kit his own mate, he died in a spreading lake of his own blood and piss.

Connor didn't know if it was a kindness that when Kit's turn to die came she was unable to scream after shattering her voice screaming for Harry.

Hermione and Ron had followed Kit and Harry, Ron almost comatose with shock after witnessing his best friend and lover being brutally murdered before him. He had suffered through his own end in silence, unseeing eyes staring at the vaulted ceiling of Hogwarts' Great Hall and oblivious to his sister's screams for mercy. Connor tried to take some comfort that after the end, Ron's body had been casually tossed aside and he had come to rest sprawled across Hermione and they were together once more.

Ginny met her death bravely and spitting bitter contempt in the face of the man that had sired her lover. Draco's tormented shouts had filled the Great Hall as he watched Ginny die slowly at the end of his father's wand, alternating between vows of everlasting love for his red headed witch and curses of eternal suffering and damnation for Lucius.

When he was finally released from his chains and dragged to meet his own fate, Draco had surprised all in the hall with one last show of defiance and had broken free long enough to reach Lucius and snap his neck. He had died clutching Ginny's body in his arms and with the sound of his own crazed laughter echoing in his ears.

Dawn had stalked to the centre of the hall with typically bold steps, head held high and eyes shimmering with grief stricken tears. She had ignored Connor's pleas for her to try and open a portal to escape, choosing to stand instead amid the bodies of her friends -- her *family* -- and stare fearlessly into Voldemort's eyes as he hit her again and again with the Cruciatus before she fell at his feet, eyes blazing defiance till the end.

When Connor's turn came, he found himself drained almost to the point of paralysis by the deaths of his bond mates. As each one had died he had felt a little more of his strength ebb away, muscles trembling with unaccustomed weakness, unable at the end to do more than hold his own head up to look death in the eye.

His streaming eyes fixed on Dawn's unseeing face, Connor prayed for his body to stop fighting and let his soul fly free. He ignored the catcalls and taunts as he laboriously rolled over, struggling to get to his hands and knees, and instead focused on Dawn's beloved face as he slowly and tortuously crawled the few feet that separated them.

Sobbing with effort and frustration, he pulled himself the last few inches and collapsed in what would be his final resting place when Hogwarts was destroyed a scant few hours later and the bodies of the Eight were buried for all time beneath the rubble.

His head pillowed on Dawn's chest, Connor died smiling when Voldemort's final curse hit him.


End file.
